Students Of Success

Loving relationships exhume our most intense feelings and emotions, as individuals invest so much of themselves in their lover. It seems that the more important the relationship becomes in one’s life, the greater the risks involved if the relationship breaks down. Yet it is no surprise that with all of the time spent and personal intimacy one shares with their lover, this is where some of the greatest conflicts arise from. A loving relationship is often characterized by its “ups and downs” we like to say; the happiest moments to the most conflicted. So social psychologists often observe the human response to conflict and the nature of human behavior during a conflict. While every reaction is obviously distinctly different, there are general patterns of behavior that can be identified by social psychologists. While the two different paradigms of Cognitive Social Psychology and Symbolic Interactionism have differing conclusions about human behavior regarding conflict, both paradigms have valid points. Both paradigms can be analyzed and applied through a hypothetical conflict in a loving relationship. While Cognitive Social Psychologists emphasize ideas like game theories like mixed motive and the prisoner’s dilemma in conflict, Symbolic Interactionists will tend to stress ideas like strategic interaction and expression games.

To give some background on the loving relationship that will serve as the lab-rat for this paper, the conflict should be explained. Robert and Stephanie have been dating for three years now, as they met while attending graduate school at Brown University. They found that they had many of the same interests, and immediately had a mutual connection that they could not put into words. After a period of flirtation that lasted several weeks, the pair began to officially date. Both were experienced with intimate relationships, but neither had felt so confident about a relationship as this one. After eight months dating, they began to say “I love you” to one another and they truly meant every word that they said. However, it wasn’t until a full year of dating until Robert met Stephanie’s parents.

As expected, the in-laws just didn’t get along with Robert’s dogmatic ways and felt he was a bad influence on their precious daughter. Yet Stephanie was able to ignore their urging for a breakup and they have been dating for two more years since that first incident. However, the problem of dislike still lingers between Robert and Stephanie’s parents (the Franklins). For some reason lately Robert and Stephanie have been arguing all the time over the most trivial issues, and both of them know that in the back of their mind it’s probably due to the stress that the Franklin’s put on their “possible future together.” So it comes as no surprise that when deciding on where to go for Thanksgiving, a conflict arises. The Franklin’s have invited the couple over, yet Robert knows that he will be miserable as they degrade him the whole time and attempt to push Stephanie away from his loving grasp. But Stephanie hasn’t seen her family in four months and desperately wants to be around them again. The final decision is given to Robert, so should go to spend Thanksgiving with Stephanie’s parents, Robert’s parents, a mutual friend, or just home together amongst themselves? The conflict is quite tough to resolve, and will be reviewed from several different angles.

The paradigm of cognitive social psychology sees meaning as inherent with the individual’s job being to find this meaning. Researchers in this paradigm ask questions of “why?” They explain that conflict can turn into hostility when feels vulnerable and has a weak sense of self. By using game theories like that of mixed motive games where there are at least two options during each turn and the options and outcomes aren’t always clear, researchers can study the human response to conflict. A classic example is the prisoner’s dilemma, where two prisoners are given a chance to confess about a crime they committed together. The consequences come out that 1) if both confess, the sentence is mediocre 2) if one confesses but not the other, the confessor is given no sentence while the other is given a heavy sentence 3) If neither confesses, they both receive a light sentence. The results of the game showed why people act in conflict, as the best route would have been for both to remain silent yet because they aren’t trusting they usually take a worse road. Gender differences that were shown through research imply that females are less cooperative, retaliate more, prefer accommodation, and use the “tit for tat strategy” more often. (Elliott Lecture, November 18th) The tit for tat strategy basically says that “I’ll cooperate as long as you do, but if you turn on me then I’ll turn on you too.” So by exploring various game theories, cognitive social psychologists can learn information about “why” people act the way they do in conflict.

The whole game theory idea can be applied to Robert’s dilemma with Thanksgiving, as shown below (assuming that the Franklins can express interest in having Robert over or not express any interest):

Franklins’ Choice

Express interest in No interest in being together

Being together

- Franklins see Rob as caring about Stephanie

- Stephanie happy

- Rob unhappy because he is with Franklins

- Chance to work on things and better relationship - Rob sees Franklins as offensive

- Stephanie is upset

- No chance to work on things

- Franklins see Rob as offensive

- Rob happy because he’s not around Franklins

- Stephanie is upset

- No chance to work on things - Both parties offended

- Rob happy he’s because not around Franklins

- Stephanie is upset

- No chance to work on things

The best course of action for both parties is clearly to express interest in being together. The only negative here is that Robert is unhappy, yet with the prospect of working on things it is the only option that allows a bright outlook on the future too. Robert is a male so his tendencies in playing the game may not be quite as aggressive as if the choice was given to Stephanie and the situation was that the Thomas’ disliked her. Yet Robert must still be mature and choose to express interest in being together with the Franklins, and they must in turn do the same thing. This mutual course of action clearly has the best outlook for the future.

Symbolic interactionists view the individual as a process, with the surrounding world having no inherent meanings as we must assign meanings to everything. We are always adapting and changing; we are dynamic, not stagnant beings. Symbolic interactionists are always asking questions involving “how”, attempting to define the world around them. When a conflict arises, strategic interaction is a way that individuals will act and think, that is closely identified with symbolic interactionism. Strategic interaction is a method of behavior whereby individuals examine the world around them, identify actors involved, possible courses or action, and then use all accessible information to act based on projected outcomes. Erving Goffman in his book The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life discusses this idea in depth identifies its various characteristics. He defines strategic interaction’s conditions where, “Two or more parties must find themselves in a well-structured situation of mutual impingement where each party must make a move and where every possible move carries fateful implications for all parties involved.” (Goffman, 1959)

To apply this to the situation of Robert and Stephanie, look at how their interactions affect so many separate individuals. No matter what course of action Robert decides to take, more than just he and Stephanie will be affected. If they decide to go to the home of the Franklins’, Robert will be viewed as caring by Stephanie and possibly even by her parents. But regardless, they will still abuse him at every possible chance and put him down behind his back to Stephanie. If they decide to go to the home of Robert’s parents (the Thomas’), Stephanie will be upset about not seeing her family and the Franklins will surely talk badly about Robert to Stephanie because he is “being selfish.” If they decide to stay home alone then the Franklins perceive Robert as taking their daughter away from them, and if they visit mutual friends then both sets of parents are offended. It seems that every path will encounter problems; just through strategic interaction Robert can take the path where he faces the least amount of dilemmas. He should examine each possible course of action, place priorities on certain actors and decisions, and go from there.

Another term that Goffman identifies and goes on to describe in his book is referred to as expression games. In these games, the actors have different roles and take turns making moves against their opponent. There are various terms that should first be explained so that the game theory is completely understood. Each actor can be a party, player, pawn, token or informant. A party is anything with a “unitary interest to promote” and can often be a combination of several of the above terms. Individuals are referred to as players when they exercise intelligence by assessing their situation and following through on a selected course of action for the party. Pawns are those individuals whose social or bodily welfare is in jeopardy and can become the interest by which the stake of the game depends on. Tokens are simply those people who openly express the position that the party has taken. Lastly, informants possess information and pass this on to other actors involved. (Goffman, 1959) Next, there is the issue of a turn versus a move. Turns are the opportunity that an actor is given to take a course of action, whereas moves are the actual course of action that is completed. Turns are merely opportunities, while moves are the acts that exemplify usage of that opportunity. Expression games are based on different actors taking different turns to make moves, all of which will have some influence on the other actors within the game.

In reference to Robert and Stephanie, it is very possible to apply expression games to their specific situation. In this case Robert acts as his own party, and is a player, pawn and token within this party. He represents his own party whose interests are to please those around him while strengthening his weakened loving relationship with Stephanie. He acts as player by making a specific move when deciding where they should spend Thanksgiving, yet he is a pawn because his own social welfare (his loving relationship) is at stake. Lastly, he is a token because he must announce to all those awaiting his decision what course of action the couple will take. Another example of a party involved is portrayed by the Franklins, as their interests involve the separation of their daughter from her relationship with Robert. These two parties appear to be the most significant in regards to the current dilemma.

While expression games explain the roles of the actors involved, it also explains how and why the actors will make their moves. As with any game, there will always be an opponent. In order to outplay one’s opponent, actors use a few pieces of knowledge about their opponent that they may gather. These include the opponent’s operational code, resolve, information state, resources, gameworthiness and integrity. Here is how Goffman defines each of these terms:

• Operational Code- “the orientation to gaming that will diffusely influence how the opponent plays… the opponent’s preference pattern…”

• Resolve- “the opponent’s determination to proceed with the game at whatever price to himself.”

• Information state- “the knowledge the opponent may posses about the important features of his own situation and of (his opponent’s).”

• Resources- “the stuffs that the other as a party can draw upon in his adaptations to the situation”

• Gameworthiness- “the intellectual proclivity to assess all the possible courses of action and their consequences from the point of view of all the contesting parties…the ability to think and act under pressure… the ability and willingness to dissemble about anything…”

• Integrity- “the strength of their propensity to remain loyal to the party once they have agreed to play for it…” (Goffman, 1959)

By evaluating and calculating each of these characteristics within one’s opponent, it becomes possible to determine the best possible course of action. Knowledge of one’s opponent gives an individual a major advantage, as he or she can think moves ahead of the present. By determining the strengths and weaknesses of the opponent, individuals can better estimate how a course of action will be received so that they may make the most successful move.

While there are clearly many parties involved in the current conflict that Robert and Stephanie face, it is clear that the party of Robert is faced with an opponent represented by the Franklin’s. Stephanie may also be considered a part of Robert’s party, yet her loyalty to the opposing party of the Franklin’s may be greater than her loyalty to Robert’s party. She also is a semi-informant to Robert as she surely tells him some of the information she knows about her parents and even their opinions of him, yet she definitely withholds a lot of information as well. When deciding where to spend Thanksgiving, Robert needs to first examine his knowledge of the Franklins so that he can predict their response to his move. Their operational code is against Robert, as they are always protective of Stephanie and critical of Robert. Their resolve to deface Robert appears to be without end, yet their information state about Robert is very limited because they never want to hear anything but the negative aspects of his life. However they do know that they have a great influence over their daughter. The resources they have are pretty much limited to Stephanie, and their integrity is without fault and they are highly loyal to each other and their daughter. Also, Robert must have great respect for the gameworthiness of the Franklins, as they are obviously willing to put up a fantastic fight to win their daughter back.

Robert is armed with all of this knowledge of his opponent, so he must utilize this to make his decision. To be successful in this game (of winning over the Franklins and Stephanie) his move should be to attend Thanksgiving at the Franklins’. All other parties involved (their mutual friends and the Thomas’) will not be greatly offended if the couple doesn’t join them for the holiday, so their relationships won’t be jeopardized. The only way that another party won’t be truly offended is if Robert and Stephanie will go the Franklin home. This move will show the Franklins that Robert cares about their daughter’s desires and needs, and the well-being of their family as a unit. Their integrity and resolve for their daughter to be happy are strong and will not change. Yet their information state about Robert is quite small and their resources will grow if they spend more time with him, so perhaps by interacting with the family he can make some minor movement towards winning them over. This is the most prudent move for the time being, so now the Franklin party must decide how to respond to Robert’s gesture once the couple arrives at their home for Thanksgiving. The game will be truly kicked into high-gear then.

One thing is for certain among all of these differing paradigms and opinions- conflict promotes growth. While conflict is thought of with a negative connotation, it is actually beneficial to life. Without conflict individuals would not face the underlying problems that each person faces, nor would they proceed into future development. (Elliott Lecture, November 18th) Conflict is a necessary and automatic part of daily human behavior, and individuals learn and develop through its eventual resolution.

Whether from the vantage point of a cognitive social psychologist or a symbolic interactionist, it is irrefutable that love is “fertile grounds for conflict.” (Essay prompt) With so much of an individual being invested into this one relationship, there is almost no way for there not to be a conflict at some point in time. The example of Robert and Stephanie’s dilemma shows an example of the little quarrels that loving couples experience, and the varying ways that they are resolved and acted through. Symbolic interactionists like Goffman use strategic interaction and define expression games to navigate the “hows” of human behavior through conflicts. Cognitive social psychologists will attempt to explain “why” specific behaviors occur in people when conflict is present, through the observation of various game theories. The most important concept is that universal idea that conflict cannot be ignored and only serves to strengthen individuals. It should not be observed as a negative event to be avoided, it is truly beneficial and essential to an individual’s maturation.

Works Cited

Elliott, Professor George. Lecture. November 18th, 2002.

Elliott, Professor George. Lecture. November 20th, 2002.

Elliott, Professor George. Lecture. November 22nd, 2002.

Goffman, Erving. The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life. New York: Anchor Books. 1959.

Patrick Flaherty
ClassNotesOnline
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How Aromatherapy Works!

It is through your nervous system, the body’s electrical pathways for sending and receiving signals or currents of energy, that consciousness of all your body parts, systems, functions, and patterns of movement is coordinated.

Communication within the body is conducted through your nervous system.

When wires are jammed or blocked transmission of signals is impaired. Essential oils are natural chemical messengers your body readily responds to for bringing it into harmony and balance.

Essential oils travel through the nervous system to the brain to nourish and balance both the sympathetic and parasympathetic branches of the autonomic nervous system, enhancing brain chemistry.

I. The Neuro-chemical delivery pathways for your Nervous and Hormonal systems - the Vapors from the essential oils enter through your nose and immediately stimulate your Olfactory nerves which then signal your Limbic system (the control mechanism in your brain for emotions and memory).

Through your Limbic system (emotional brain), the Amygdala (your emotional control center) and Hippocampus (center for Memory recall, Learning and Emotional control) are stimulated.

Your Limbic System also sends a neuro-chemical signal to your Cortex (center for contol of Intellectual processes) and your Hypothalamus gland, located at the base of your brain, the Reptilian or Old Brain (regulates many body functions, including appetite, thirst, temperature, sleep and mood).

The Hypothalamus is a KEY PLAYER as it orchestrates the interplay between your nervous and endocrine systems. It is thus at the juncture of your Hypothalmus that a signal is sent to your Pituitary gland (Master controller of your entire Endocrine system).

This neuro-chemical signal and response mechanism culminates at your Adrenal glands (your fight or flight, response to stress mechanism which controls aggression and sexual response).

II. The Neuro-chemical Delivery pathways for your Organs and other systems - the Vapors entering through your nose go immediately into your Lungs where they enter your Bloodstream.

Through your Bloodstream the oils are delivered to your Heart, as well as all your Body tissues and Organs, the Liver and Pancreas, your Reproductive organs, Skin, Kidney and Bladder. The oils then circulate back to your Lungs where they are excreted.

Research shows that through inhalation essential oils will remain for a longer period in your cell tissues ( 4-6 hours) than through any other means of application.

More and more case studies are being recorded, proving the effectiveness of aromatherapy for therapeutic use.

Virtually everything used today in modern drugs can be traced back to a botanical extract. Hippocrates said that there is a remedy for everything to be found in Nature.

To administer essential oils for inhalation simply dispense 1-3 drops of oil into the palm of your hand, rub your hands together vigorously, and then breathe in their aroma for 30-60 seconds.

Therapeutic-Grade Essential Oils are highly concentrated, a drop or two can produce significant results. There are many cheap chemical copies of essential oils available, but these are not recommended for therapeutic use.

You may also make an aromatic mist using essential oils, or an aroma diffuser to dispense the lighter more fluid essential oils scent into a room. Essential oils, when diffused, provide a high quality air filtration system.

Surely we all prefer a natural, effective treatment that causes no added stress to our systems. For those who wish to be directly involved with their own self help, who prefer a remedy that treats the whole system rather than just the symptoms, aromatherapy provides a safe, natural treatment, one that can produce surprising results where other methods of treatment have failed.

Aromatherapy is a natural and holistic healing therapy proven effective and safe for improving your physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

KG Stiles is a certified aromatherapist practicing in Ashland, OR USA PurePlant Essentials is her line of pure organic and ethically wild crafted essential oils. KG formulates aromatic oils for: colds and flu, insomnia, stress, anxiety, depression, menopause, anti-aging, skin care and more. KG’s DVD & book, “Your Aromatic Signature ~ How to Formulate Blends that Heal,” are scheduled for release in 2006. To learn more visit: PurePlant Essentials You may contact KG through her website for a personal reply KGStiles.com. KG invites you to Subscribe to Health Mastery Ezine to WIN FREE Aromatherapy Products. To learn more visit: Subscribe To Win KG Stiles Springhill Wellness Center, 2520 Springhill Drive Ashland, OR USA (541) 941-7315

Your semen reflects what you eat…

All the body’s secretions such as sweat, saliva, urine and your
sperm smell and flavor are affected by what you eat.

What goes in comes out and is reflected in the flavor and smell.
Ever notice how when you eat a curry with lots of garlic onions
and spices how the smell comes out of your skin afterward?

It’s also in your semen just as it’s in your sweat.

Changing your diet will have an effect on your body’s secretions
including your semen.

Most techniques or supplements that claim to alter the flavor of
semen aim to increase the amount of sugars in it, and disguise
the salty bitter taste, but most don’t work, you simply need a
change of diet.

The best way to have better tasting semen is the most obvious, a
good diet and clean living.

Cut your intake of the following:

Alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, junk food with lots of chemicals and
preservatives.

You should also limit foods that break down into strong tasting
or smelling chemicals that are excreted by the body. Fruits and
some vegetables are good, but some are definitely not
recommended.

Good examples are asparagus; onions and garlic contain high
amounts of sulfur and vegetables from the cabbage family, like
Brussels sprouts, broccoli, cabbage, kale which all add to
semens bitter taste.

Strongly spiced dishes, like curries comes out and flavors
semen. Of course, you don’t want to have a diet all the time
just to get better tasting semen, but if you love your partner
keep away from the madras curry!

Eat your greens & drink more fruit juice!

A recent study concluded that vegetarians have better tasting
semen, which leads to an obvious conclusion.

Eat lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, and drink lots of juice
and water (at least two liters a day) to flush out your body.

Eating or drinking pineapple juice is strongly recommended as
the best a way to make your semen sweeter.

Citrus fruits and cranberry juice are also good, because they
make the body’s pH more acidic, which balances the alkalinity of
semen which gives it its salty, bleach taste.

All fruits juices and fruits have a high sugar content, so make
sure you eat and drink plenty.

Other great foods for better tasting semen

Parsley, wheatgrass, and celery have been recommended for
sweeter semen as well because of the chlorophyll they contain.

Cinnamon, cardamom, peppermint and lemon are also great foods
for better tasting semen.

Keep in mind

Your body takes around 12 - 24 hours to secrete what you put
into it, so keep this in mind when eating the foods listed
above.

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to almost miraculously overcome their problems and challenges whereas other people go from therapist to therapist, spending thousands of dollars and seeing no results?

How can one person suffering from stress or anxiety or a phobia suddenly completely and utterly overcome it?

The answer itself is simple, doing it yourself, is slightly more complex.

People overcome these problems because they have quite simply made a decision. They have decided that from that day forth they are no longer going to have that problem. Or they visit a therapist convinced that they are going to get rid of their problems and walk out of the office cured.

Making the decision is the easiest part of this equation, you need to add to it leverage, or the will to get rid of the behaviour.

How do you get this?

Human beings are motivated by two things – pleasure and pain. We
generally move towards pleasurable experiences and away from painful ones. To get this leverage you need to associate great pain with continuing the damaging behaviour and great pleasure with being free from it.

When you have this leverage, you are ready to let the behaviour go once and for all.

Tony Robbins tells a story at his seminars about one of his friends who is a grandfather. Being a typical grandfather he smoked and rather enjoyed it. His family and friends had been nagging him to quit for years, but he liked it and kept doing it, even though he was only ever allowed to smoke in his study at home.

One day his granddaughter came to visit. She’d been to school that day and learned all about the dangers of smoking and what it could do to you. When she saw her grandpa go into his study for a smoke she ran over to him and threw her arms around him crying whilst she said, “I don’t want you to die grandpa”.

As you can imagine, this was a very emotional experience for him. That very moment he threw his cigarettes into the trash and never smoked again.

How’s that for leverage?

You need similar leverage in order to let go of the old habit that has affected your life so much and to create a new, empowering way of being.

A close friend of mine used to have a phobia of spiders. We’re not talking about a “oh there’s a spider” kind of fear, we’re talking a “OH MY GOD THERE’S A SPIDER” jump on the chair, run screaming out of the room phobia.

One day she got rid of it in moments. She didn’t see a therapist or spend weeks agonizing over it. She was sat in the garden with her son when a spider crawled up into her hair. She sat rigid for a moment and thought, “If I panic, it’s going to terrify my son and give him a fear of spiders”. That was her leverage – she didn’t want to give her son a fear of spiders – so she calmly took the spider out of her hair and released it onto the ground.

Leverage is the key to making any change in your life.

One thing to be aware of is what therapists call secondary gain. This is where you have an almost hidden reason for performing the behaviour. For example, a child who is starved of attention will misbehave in order to get attention – the secondary gain from the bad behaviour is to get attention from his parents. A hypochondriac enjoys being ill because they get lots of attention and pity from the people around you – the “poor me” syndrome.

Any behaviour you have in your life – whether it is anxiety, panic attacks, phobias or fears can be overcome through having big enough reasons why to get rid of it. Get your leverage and get yourself free from those behaviours that have held you back so long.

Sign up for our free newsletter and discover more techniques on Anxiety Disorder

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The politics of any work environment can be a challenge from time to time. Most of it is due to stress in the workplace. The higher the stress, the higher the incidence of stress related behaviours or illnesses.

We work in environments where expectations and rules change at an alarming rate. Technology has apparently brought progress, but at what price? A financial institution in major city requires their employees to take distance ed courses at night, after a long day at work. Some of these employees having been with the company for decades, are now in their late 50’s, but are expected to add to their days work and to their stress level. They are required to take three or four of these courses in the next four years. If they don’t, they could lose their jobs.

Have you looked for work recently? Even for the lowest paying job the interview process can be quite silly. At a well known coffee chain they do two or even three interviews with one person.

For some bizarre reason resume formats keep changing and there are people with four year degrees, hired by the Government teaching the most basic skill of resume writing. We have taken something that should be straight forward and we have made it complicated.

Another phenomenon is occurring. People are so geared to working alone at their computers, that we are losing the ability to communicate effectively with one another. We are not only working in our own head space, but in our own physical space as well. I believe the term is cocooning.

There is a new phrase out there these days. It is called “self care”. In former times, we didn’t have to think about this. It just happened naturally as we came home from work. We would visit with our family, maybe play some physical games with the kids, walk the family dog, take a short nap or read a book. It was called relaxation and it was assumed we could all do this. Now, with computers and televisions we are not without this isolating technology in many rooms of our homes. So, we not only cocoon at work, we come home and continue to do so for the evening as well.

We don’t laugh as much now as we did in the 1950’s. We used to laugh for 20 minutes each day and now we are lucky to squeeze in 6 minutes of daily joy. In our quest for success and at the expense of our happiness, we have foolishly changed attitudes and become extremely serious in all aspects of our lives. Simply put, we have forgotten how to play and have fun. Despite this, our minds and our bodies are wise beyond our comprehension and this fact is now being proven on a scientific level. If we choose to laugh more and be more joyful, our bodies response is immediate as blood vessels open up, blood pressure drops, pain lessens and we feel happier. Amazingly and quite wonderfully, we are still in control of how we choose to work and to play. Help yourself and make smart choices for your life. If you need some suggestions about self care activities, visit my webpage and click on the tab that says “Laughter Facts” – then scroll to the right.

Laugh, smile at everyone you come in contact with and inject some play into every day. It will make a huge difference in your quality of life and will help to alleviate the effects of stress. That’s a promise.

Carole Fawcett is a Canadian Stress Management expert and a Laughter Therapist. Her joyful energy is contagious and she is passionate about what she does. She is also teaches therapeutic hospital clowns and is a published free lance writer. See her website at http://www.afunnybusiness.ca

David sat in front of me at one of my five-day intensive workshops. A
successful businessman with a wife and two grown children, David
believed that he was not good enough.

“I’m insufficient,” he said. “I’m inadequate.”

I looked at this kind man and felt deep sadness for him. He did not know
who he was.

“Why do you believe that?” I asked.

“I didn’t do well in school, and I’ve made lots of mistakes in my life.”

“So you are basing your worth on your performance, right?”

“Of course.”

David could not conceive of any other way of defining his worth other
than through his performance – which he never saw as good enough.

I asked David to look inside – at the essence of himself - and tell me
what he sees. All he saw was emptiness.

“David, please close your eyes. Now imagine a wonderful being who
loves you very much. Who comes to mind?”

“My grandfather. He died when I was young, but he really loved me.”

“Good. Now imagine that you are seeing yourself through the eyes of
your grandfather. What does your grandfather see when he looks at
you?”

“He sees a bright and creative little boy, who is very kind and caring. A
loving little boy. A little boy who is funny and likes to laugh, and likes to
make other people laugh.”

“Is there anything wrong with this little boy? Anything inadequate or
insufficient?”

“Oh no! He is a wonderful little boy.”

“David, this is who you really are. You are not your performance. Your
performance will come and go and at some point you might retire and
not perform at all. Yet that does not mean that you are, therefore,
worthless. Your worth is in who you are, not in what you do. Your worth
in intrinsic.”

David realized that, because of his highly critical and rejecting parents,
he had always been trying to prove himself and always came up short in
their eyes. As a result of seeing himself as unworthy and inadequate, he
did not treat himself well. He treated himself the way his parents had
treated him – with criticism and neglect. He was always trying to take
care of everyone else, but rarely thought about taking care of himself.
He was constantly abandoning himself emotionally, just as he had been
emotionally abandoned by his parents.

“David, if you chose to see yourself as your grandfather saw you rather
than how your parents saw you, how would you feel about yourself and
how would you treat yourself?”

“I’ve just been thinking about that. I just realized that I treat my dog better
than I treat myself! I would never judge my dog the way I judge myself.”

“So what would you do differently if you saw yourself the way your
grandfather sees you?”

“I would stop judging myself as insufficient and inadequate. I’m a really
good person. I am not at all insufficient or inadequate as a person. And I
choose my friends based on who they are as people – not on their
performance. So I obviously value the very qualities that I possess!”

“What else would you do if you really valued who you are?”

“I would listen to my own feelings and take care of my own needs
instead of taking care of everyone else’s feelings and needs. I would no
longer see it as selfish to take care of myself instead of taking care of
everyone else. I would be at least as attentive to myself as I am to my
dog!”

David was glowing. He was discovering who he really is, not who he
thought he was.

People often think that their worth – who they really are – is based on
looks and performance. Yet these qualities are transitory. What is real
and eternal is who you are in your heart and soul. If you shift your
definition of your worth from outer to inner, you will stop trying to prove
yourself. You will know that you are already a beautiful being, totally
deserving of love.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight
books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and
“Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner
Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web si
te for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com Phone sessions available.

The ancient Chinese Astrology is not only fascinating but also quite accurate. It’s Zodiac is based on 12 signs, a cycle of 12 years and are named after 12 symbolic animals : Rat (or Mouse), Ox (or Buffalo or Bull or Cow), Tiger, Rabbit (or Hare or Cat), Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat (or Sheep or Ram), Monkey, Rooster (or Hen or Cock or Chicken or Phoenix), Dog and Pig (or Boar or Hog).

Your Chinese Astrological Zodiac Animal Sign is based on your Chinese Lunar Year of Birth. The Chinese New Year is movable and could start anywhere between 21st January and 20th February, depending upon the year.

If your Date of Birth falls into any of these below listed Chinese Lunar Years, then, because you are born in the Year of the Snake, you are symbolically identified as a “Snake” :

In Chinese Hsia Calender, 2006 is the 4703rd year and is also the third year of the New Fengshui Land Luck Period 8. The new Chinese Lunar Year is from 29.01.2006 to 17.02.2007. Here are the Annual Forecasts and suggested Fengshui & Crystal Remedies that you may need for the coming “New Year 2006 : Bing Xu, the Year of the Yang Red Fire Dog” :

From 04 Feb 1905 to 24 Jan 1906

From 23 Jan 1917 to 10 Feb 1918

From 10 Feb 1929 to 29 Jan 1930

From 27 Jan 1941 to 14 Feb 1942

From 14 Feb 1953 to 02 Feb 1954

From 02 Feb 1965 to 20 Jan 1966

From 18 Feb 1977 to 06 Feb 1978

From 06 Feb 1989 to 26 Jan 1990

From 24 Jan 2001 to 11 Feb 2002

CAREER :

An exceptionally fruitful year filled with plentiful opportunities. A satisfying career with a lot of privilege and comfort. Hard work will payoff immediately. You will easily outperform all others in the fray. Benefactors will lift you up every step of the way. Those who are employed can expect a promotion and pay rise. Some will switch to better jobs, even overseas posting. Those who are in business will expand their activities, some will start branches abroad. Those of you in brokering, agency business, production based incentives, teaching, PR, law and insurance will enjoy an extra blissful period. The first half of the year is better than the second half of the year, luckwise. But you will get guidance and help when you need. Avoid taking aggressive stances against colleagues and subordinates, as that could lead to some back-stabbing. One wrongly uttered work could collapse everything. Stubborness could lead to many failures. If you are in partnership, then guard against being cheated. To inspire, guide and protect, place the statue of the mighty Kuan Kung in the North West. Chances of a theft in workplace is quite high.

MONEY :

Good and stable money luck throughout the year will keep you happy. Avoid extravagent spending though. The excellent interpersonal relationship skills that you enjoy this year will bring in new money making opportunities. Make more and more investments. However, keep off mindless gambling and speculative business. You may have to foot some expensive medical bills. Some of you may be duped by unproven “insider tips” and lose money in the process.

HEALTH :

In general, good health. Elders should be careful of accidents, especially when taking the staircase. Keep yourself clean. Sleep and rest as much as you can. There could be some minor accidents when travelling.

LOVE :

Good love and relationship luck this year. Singles should seriously consider marrying. Married couples should watch their spouses for extramarital affairs. Unwanted relationships are on way. Self-control is a must. Resolve conflicts as and when they arise. If in doubt, display the icon of a Rooster in the South West of the bedroom. A recreational trip with family will be of much help.

Beneficial Crystal : Malachite, for 2006

Good Relationship with : Rooster & Ox, for 2006

Conflict with : Tiger, Snake & Pig, for 2006

Yin/Yang : Yin

A NOTE ABOUT REMEDIES : The above analysis has suggested some remedies/cures for reducing the impact of negative energy and has recommended certain enhancers for increasing and improving upon the beneficial energy. For the remedies/enhancers to be effective, they should be cleansed, energised, blessed and programmed not only for the particular individual/family but also for the specific purpose/problem. They should also be placed in the indicated location. Any or all of these remedies can be reused for the coming new years, the only thing is that some of them may have to be repositioned according to the specific new year.

The Author of this article Sri Janarrdhana Guptha is an Energy Consultant, Vaastu & Fengshui Researcher, Crystal Master and a Clairvoyant Karma Reader. His speciality is in permanent, life-time Remedial Solutions, especially Crystal Energy Fields. His wife Srimathi Kalpana Guptha is also a Psychic Reader. The Energy Couple can be reached through crystalvaastu@yahoo.com
or either of their websites:
www.newage-kabbalah-numerology.com or
www.crystal-vaastu.com/home.htm.

Janarrdhana Guptha has authored the book titled “Guide to Fengshui Good Luck Symbols”. He writes regularly in leading English & Tamil Magazines from India. More of his articles can be read at his blog : www.spaces.msn.com/members/crystal-vaastu/.

As summer bares down it’s all but certain that same sex marriage will be the law of
the land. But Stephen Harper claims that law will lack legitimacy in the eyes of many
Canadians because it’s supported by the Bloc Quebecois.

“Because it is being passed with the support of the Bloc, I think it will lack legitimacy
for a lot of Canadians,” Harper told CBC-TV as he walked into the House of
Commons.

“The truth is most federalist MPs will oppose this legislation.”

Mr. Harper has essentially said that Quebec and the Quebecois should be
disenfranchised. However, last month Mr. Harper seemed to accept the Bloc’s
legitimacy when the Conservatives tried to bring down the government. So I have to
wonder, why should the Bloc now be such an issue regarding legitimacy?

The Conservatives claim that the Bloc only have Quebecs interests and not Canada’s
at heart. Peter MacKay stated..

“Most Canadians have a very skeptical view of anything the Bloc do”

And with that, the Conservative Party has decided to make the Bloc Quebecois and
Same-Sex Marriage an election issue. I’m beginning to understand why Belinda
Stonarch was ready to pull her hair out prior to crossing the isle.

Unfortunatley this is different than just another case of Stephen Harper looking for
ways to pit one group of Canadians against another. Less than a decade after the
marginal federalist victory in the Quebec Referendum, the Conservative Party is
riling up separatist feelings. Harper has now raised the stakes by stating that the
traditional definition of marriage in Canada has become a victim of Quebec
separatism.

http://www.lonelycanuck.com

The title of this article is a little shocking, Isn’t it?
Because no one can think of love and destruction together. But
love does destroy. How? Let us examine.

There is a story of a prince in India. He was in great love with
his wife and never wanted to be without her. One day, an enemy
kingdom attacked him, but the prince did not want to go out and
fight. He did not want to be away from his princess. The
princess realized this and she asked the prince to go out for a
minute. After sometime, a maid brought the head of princess to
the prince with the dying message of the princess. ‘Let our love
not destroy you. You are a prince and you must save your state
from the enemies. I am giving up my life so that you can carry
out your duties properly.’ Does this small story tell us
anything? What lessons can we draw from this?

Many of us are extremely talented. Our talent can create a big
difference to the world. We can help the world fight poverty,
injustice and produce a better life for all. But some of us fall
in frenzied love. This love is all encompassing. This love takes
over our life. We see nothing but our sweetheart everywhere. For
us, all the other work becomes insignificant. We lose our focus
and are centered on our love like a mad person. This eats away
the vitals of our personality.

For a person in deep and fanatic love, nothing matters other
than love. All other talents take a back seat and the only
driver is love. This kind of love destroys. Love that could have
been very inspiring, manages to destroy. This is the irony of
love.

To save yourselves from such destruction, you must always keep a
level headed approach towards everything. You must sit back and
reflect. Find out if you are missing larger goals? Think about
time management and thought management. Discuss this out with
your sweetheart. He/She will surely help you in such a
situation. One who loves you, wants you to grow. So discuss
this. Think, reflect and make other goals equally important once
again in life. Fall in love. Enjoy the bliss of love. But let
that love not destroy your personality.