Students Of Success

It was 4:15PM on a Thursday when I arrived at the hair salon to get my haircut. My hair appointment was at 5PM but I arrived there quite early.

As I set down in the comfortable leather chair in the little “waiting corner,” I looked down to my left with an intention to pick a magazine from the big basket that was filled with maybe over 50 magazines.

I sorted through the magazines but nothing would catch my eye. There were so many different magazines; I couldn’t decide which one to pick and read while waiting.

Then, as I lifted a big batch of magazines to choose from, one of them fell down on the floor. I immediately dropped all the other magazines back into the basket and took the one that fell on the floor.

The beautiful view of a tropical island in the background, surrounded by crisp clear water covering the entire cover of the magazine, got my attention.

The magazine contained a large number of photos from tropical islands, vacation resorts and everything tropical you can imagine. I submerged myself into the pictures so much that 40 minutes went by like 4 seconds.

When I was all done with the haircut, I asked Isabella (the hair stylist) if I could take the magazine. She said that it wouldn’t be a problem because anyway they recycle the magazines at the end of each month when they bring new ones in.

The magazine is called Islands. It was a June 2004 issue. When I went home I put it next to my computer and until today’s day, it’s still sitting there.

I look through it periodically. All my life I’ve lived in the northern hemisphere of the planet, and winter is definitely not my favorite season. Not to even mention the driving headaches when we get dumped with a few feet of snow.

The tropical theme has always been a dream place of mine.

So, every time I feel down, discouraged, marketing plan isn’t working well, a goal doesn’t get accomplished, problems and obstacles appearing out of nowhere, motivation is down, no inspiration, the world is coming down on me … and so on …

I take few peaceful minutes - no children, no computer. I pick up the magazine and literally isolate myself from this world. I transfer my soul to the tropical beauty shown in the pictures and I visualize myself living there and not just vacationing.

My battery gets recharged; I get the smile back on my face and I say to myself: “One day ….”

How many times have you felt down and depressed because of one reason or another?

How many times have you felt that you needed to recharge your battery? How many times have you lost your inspiration and motivation? How many times have you faced problems and obstacles that discouraged you from persisting with your goal?

What brought you up and what pulled you down during these crucial times?

I remember back in 1994 when I was starting college, a friend of mine gave me a study to read. The study came from a major corporate research. It was on “why executives rise to the height of their company and why other people don’t.”

The executives told in their words what they did to achieve such a success. I don’t have that study anymore but I remember it very well because I’m still practicing what they said.

One of the steps was to have material goals. Something that you can see.

The material goals represent something far beyond material form. When you visually see the material goals that you’re striving for, you receive the feeling of the kind of person you need to become in order to have them.

That feeling will recharge your fuel cells and bring your enthusiasm to the front line.

We live in a material world and we have to operate in a material world. We want material things because they’re a representation of who we are.

What you want is good, because what you want is an extension of you becoming better.

And sometimes, you just need a basic material something to spark you into a higher level of achievement.

© Steve Dimeck; Publisher and author of The Success Maze - an ebook dedicated to the people who are still looking for ways to succeed online but feel a bit lost in this online Maze — or should I say Jungle.
FREE Details: ==> http://www.thesuccessmaze.com

Have you ever found yourself in a hurry to leave the house for an appointment when you could not find your car keys?

Imagine that you and a friend are in a hurry to leave for an important event. You turn over the couch cushions, rifle through the newspapers on the dining room table, search your previous day’s pants pockets, and dig through your purse. Your car keys are nowhere to be found.

Many frantic minutes later, you finally locate the keys. But instead of heading out the door, you argue about who was responsible for misplacing the keys.

Preposterous, isn’t it? Laying blame is a further waste of time. Better to hit the road, right? Unfortunately this logic is often lost when ventures fail and organizations fall short of goals. There is a strong predisposition to finding the sole source of fault. But, that is not how to get things done.

Fix the Problem, Not the Blame

This Japanese proverb provides an important lesson on how to appropriately respond to failure. Laying blame will distract you from resolution. To articulate why, I am going to share a revelation with you.

Failure is Painful

We have all been there. Plans are made, resources committed, hours spent towards achieving a goal. Success or failure can weigh on numerous factors and solitary decisions. When failure happens, you are disappointed. You hurt, and you should hurt. The pain of failure is healthy, and can be very productive.

If you believe it is unreasonable to expect perfection, then you allow for the possibility of failure. Excellence is found in your response to failure, not in your elimination of it—that would be folly.

Excellence cannot be achieved without staying steadfast and focused on your goals. Within the construct of excellence, failure is feedback from the system you are operating in. Failure is a call to alter your strategies or improve your execution.

We all make mistakes. Mistakes put you in pain. To solve the problem, requires learning from your mistakes. Why is the pain of failure healthy?

Pain Teaches

The pain experienced by your failure is your conscience providing motivation to change and the urgency to mitigate the damage. Disavowing the pain, by laying blame, provides you with relief at the cost of distracting your focus and energy away from where it is needed to produce corrective action and results.

Take the timeless example of a losing sports team. When a team is losing, when its performance is inferior to its competitors, what is the standard response? Dismiss the coach; rather than those directly responsible for performance, the players. How often does this improve performance?

Certainly there are instances when coaching changes result in more wins, but rarely are those changes long-lasting. Sports teams relying on a coaching change to alter results are acting in a false logic.

The rare exception when a leadership change produces lasting positive results becomes the justification for others to follow the example. In part, it is the path of least resistance. However, these exceptions do not disprove the rule: fix the problem.

Turnarounds in performance are more often influenced by other factors: changes in tactics, euphoria stemming from the short-term pain relief, changes in personnel or alterations on a systems level.

Whether or not you believe in the chaos theory maxim that the flutter of a butterfly’s wings in one part of the world can influence weather in another part, success and failure are systemic. On an individual level, your lasting success is derived from your habits, your work ethic, the system of actions and responses that you have taken the time to program into your psyche, to learn.

This systematic influence of habits, work ethic, and programmed actions and responses, are also true on a corporate level. Where coaching changes, or changes in corporate leadership, are most beneficial is when these changes are a component of systematic alterations.

Then, why are we attracted to blame?

Blame is Easy

Our failures, both individual and corporate, leave us in pain. The psychological process of choosing blame over resolution is immediate gratification. Blame provides a path of less resistance. Resolution requires patience, fortitude, and rigor. Just as it is easier to break a vase then fix it, it is also easier to point the finger at the one who broke the vase then fix it.

However where pain is concerned, you can either pay now, or pay later with interest.

To employ another timeless example, observe closely the next time a highly visible publicly traded company replaces their CEO. The popularity of the move among the financial markets will be reflected in the short-term fluctuation of their stock price. But, what happens long-term?

If the dismissal is a scapegoat gesture, there will be no lasting improvement in the company’s financial performance. The company took the easy way out. If the performance improves long-term, you can be sure that the dismissal was part of a systemic initiative: individual and collective habits changed, new plans were developed and carried out, a viable strategic vision was undertaken.

Fix the Problem or the Blame

It is not viable to expect that humans or any collection of humans will not make mistakes. If you are focused on achieving a goal, mistakes are a call to alter your strategy or improve your performance.

So you have a choice: either fix the problem or the blame! You cannot do both. Fixing the blame has the effect of diminishing pain, the same pain that would facilitate the lessons that need to be learned to avoid similar mistakes in the future.

REPUBLISHING PERMISSION: You are welcome to download or reprint this article so long as you include my byline and copyright at the end of each piece with a live weblink. Please forward publication specifics to http://www.JeffSimon-Consulting.com/. The attribution should read:

“By Jeff Simon of Jeff Simon Consulting, The Client Retention Specialists. Are you having trouble keeping your best clients? Please visit Jeff’s website at http://www.JeffSimon-Consulting.com/ for additional articles and resources for keeping your best clients.”

I met my friend when we were in graduate school, and we enjoyed hanging out together outside of classes. After receiving our degrees, we both left school to live in different states. That was 10 years ago.

We’ve kept in touch, but our phone conversations and twice-a-year visits became opportunities for my friend to talk endlessly about her problems. When I tried to fill her in on my own life, she obviously tuned out.

In the past few years I’ve not visited her at all and dread her occasional phone calls and visits to my house. She invites herself now because I no longer invite her. When she’s at my home, she literally follows me from room to room, talking nonstop, until I make an excuse to get away from her. I tell her I need to take a nap, but I don’t sleep. I sit in my room and read or enjoy the quiet.

Here’s the worst part. She and her family, including two young children, are moving to our city. Her family has a small income, and they are buying a house in a grand neighborhood they can’t afford. She asked if she and her husband and her children can stay at my home on their trips to our town to deal with house matters.

My husband and I have no children. Even though our home is tiny and perfectly sized for us, I let them stay. She told me her husband would start his new job before they finished purchasing this house. I felt obligated to offer him our guest room. If I hadn’t offered, she would have asked anyway.

Now he’s here, and it turns out he’ll be staying on through the weekends. I am seething.

I would never, ever, under any circumstances impose on a friendship this way. I feel used, resentful, and don’t care if I ever see her again. Should I end this friendship? I’m getting absolutely nothing from it but a knot in my stomach.

Lorraine

Lorraine, life hands us lessons all the time. When we don’t learn the lesson, life gets more and more difficult until we do.

You were making and accepting calls from a woman you didn’t even want to talk to. Now her husband is living in your house. Furthermore, she plans on moving in with her two small children. Where does this lead? Count on being a free, drop-in babysitter. Count on her asking you to pick up her kids after school. Count on imposition after imposition until you finally learn to say no.

Tamara often uses the example of oatmeal cookies. If you don’t like oatmeal cookies, don’t be “polite” and say you do. Otherwise you will always be offered oatmeal cookies, and friends will make you gifts of oatmeal cookies. That is why you cannot fake emotions out of a false sense of politeness.

Everything is being done to the advantage of your “friend.” Nothing is to your advantage. This arrangement isn’t working, and her husband needs to stay elsewhere. It is too much of an imposition. Call her tonight and tell her. Pick a day soon, like Friday, and tell her that will be his moving day. Let her know she and her family must make other arrangements when they move, whether their house is ready or not.

Don’t waste time on long explanations or sugarcoat it. Make the call short and factual.

Wayne

Lorraine Triumphant!

You are so absolutely positively right. I am instant messaging my husband right now to discuss our visitor’s last day. I think what I found most helpful is your pointing out that I’m accepting calls and visits from someone I don’t want to talk to. It’s so crystal clear. Thanks for giving me the kick in the butt that I need.

Lorraine

Lorraine, tonight we will lift our glasses and toast your victory.

Wayne & Tamara

Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 18, 2004

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

Confidence coaching is in its infancy. Whilst we have had various kinds of coaches working in society for many years, specialists in self confidence are still comparatively rare. Which is odd, when you think about it, because most people would say that confidence is the single quality they most want to develop (okay, most people talk about their abs before they mention their psyche - confidence is maybe 3rd of 4th on the list)

So how do you set about finding a competent, qualified and effective confidence coach? It’s a little more difficult than it should be, because there isn’t any single professional body to oversee the field. In part this is because confidence coaches practice a wide range of difficult therapeutic approaches : hypnotherapy, CBT, NLP, role play . . . the list seems endless.

The rules which apply to selecting a confidence coach are much the same as the rules which apply to finding any kind of therapist. References are all important, as is professional accreditation. Check your coach’s insurance - if he doesn’t have insurance, that’s a definite signal to walk away. Once these, rather basic, considerations have been satisfied, however, you are in the realm of personal choice. What do you want to achieve from confidence coaching? Help with your career? Help with your social life / romantic life? What style of coach are you looking for? With such a broad range of styles to choose from, it’s important to find out a little about the different therapeutic interventions which are possible.

And now the hardest question - can the cost be justified? A typical confidence coach may charge $80 - $100 per hour (with some ’stars’ charging far more, of course). The good news is that this isn’t like psychoanalysis, where you may expect to spend years in therapy. Confidence coaching is about making tangible gains quickly, and then building on these incrementally for the long term. In your first year of coaching, expect to pay for around 10 sessions, with 4-6 sessions per year thereafter.

So it might cost you $1,000 in year one, plus $600 pa thereafter, to achieve lasting and profound improvements in your career prospects, your romantic life and your general sense of wellbeing. Is this worth the price? I think so. Indeed, we pay larger sums to insure our cars without a second thought. Strange to consider that an automobile is a depreciating asset, while self belief is part of the fabric of who we are, and can be thought of as an appreciating asset, as it can boost our career prospects significantly.

Jim Smith-Cartwright is a hypnotherapist and confidence coach

http://confidence.netfirms.com/

In 1420, the dignitaries of Florence held a competition.

They offered the enormous prize of 200 gold florins to the architect whose genius could span the unfinished dome of the Florence Cathedral.

This was a great challenge. Even the original builders of the cathedral in 1296 left writings hoping that God would offer a solution because they did not have one.

Filippo Brunelleschi was the answer to their prayers.

He proposed the radical idea of a dome supported by a brick vaulting system that balanced the opposing forces, but without the customary central supports.

The experts called him mad.

Brunelleschi sought to demonstrate his design with a challenge.

He could stand an egg upright on a flat surface. Could they?

All were unsuccessful.

Finally, Brunelleschi cracked the bottom of the egg and set it down.

It must have been a mess, but it stood upright and demonstrated his idea.

The experts protested, but Brunelleschi remarked that they could have done the same if they had understood his design.

Of course, they did not. They didn’t understand creativity either.

They were too mentally confined by their concept of the possible. Figuratively and literally, the thought of solving the problem by breaking the egg never occurred to them.

One imagines their frustration trying to balance the round egg on the marble tabletop and their groans when Brunelleschi demonstrated the sloppy, but clever solution.

We all have eggs we never think of breaking.

These are the fixed states of mind that we accept without question as “the way things are.” These states represent the boundaries of our thinking and, therefore, our life experience.

Refuse to be confined by the eggs others never think of breaking.

Geniuses break eggs.

Break your share.

That’s why they make paper towels.

Copyright 2004 by Tony Papajohn. Tony writes and speaks on success. Subscribe to his free SuccessMotivator e-zine at http://www.successmotivator.com.

Watching the news can be hazardous to your health.

It’s a fact, especially when you’re watching events related
to terrorism, kidnapping, murder, accidents, or calamities.
These incidents make you worry and will leave you feeling weak
and insecure. Imagine the uncomfortable feeling of becoming a
victim someday. This will have a negative effect on your
outlook in life.

Your surroundings have a big impact on you. How can you think
and grow rich if you’re bombarded with messages that relates
“how difficult life has become” or “how poor most of us has
turned out to be?”

You can’t change your environment, but you certainly can
control your mind. This is where visualization comes into
play. Use your imagination, just as you would when you’re
still a little child. Imagine your home as a palace, your
simple meal as fine dining gourmet, and your nearby park as
your favorite vacation spot. Just imagine. Unconsciously,
your thoughts will transform the images into their physical
components.

If the media can indirectly influence you just by reporting
what’s happening around, imagine what impact everyday people
have on you. These are the people that you see and meet
everyday. These are also the same people who are expressing
their own views of what is right and what is wrong.

When we grow up in a negative environment, we tend to acquire
the traits and characteristics of people around us.

Many gangsters have been brought up by folks who have either
misguided them or have taught them the wrong things in life.
Through the years, they have instilled within themselves the
vices of people around them.

Here’s another case.

Pick a nice person, throw him in a group of bad-mouthed
individuals who incorporates swear words in their everyday
language. Sooner or later, you’ll notice that nice person
speaking in the same manner as the group.

This just goes to say that anyone who joins in the company
of a like-minded group will have a big chance of being
influenced by the personality of that group. So what
can you do if you’re surrounded by people who deviates
from your way of thinking?

You can’t just avoid them. They’ll think of you as a snob.
Don’t change the way you treat them, but simply learn how
to shield out pessimistic comments or suggestions.

Sometimes, they will dictate you to do what you are against
to do. Be firm with what you believe in. Do not let them
affect your decisions. You know that you can do what they
thought would be impossible. If you have to suffer the
ridicule, so be it. You will have the last laugh anyway.

Moreover, you should be with people who have the same
principles and ideologies as you do. You will be more
encouraged to continue your dreams if you have a support
group or mentor who will prod you to pursue your goals
despite the setbacks.

When I was starting my internet endeavors, no one (and
I mean not even one) of my relatives and friends believed
me. But I did not let their discouragement stop me from
becoming successful.

I remained firm in my quest to make a living online. I
made friends with respected internet marketers who shared
the same vision as mine. They have also experienced the
same treatment from non-believers; but they have proven
that what the mind can conceive, it can achieve. Through
their help, I was able to put aside my doubts and achieve
my goals.

You have the power to make your dreams a reality. Now
show the world what stuff you are made of.

Michael Lee is the author of “How To Be A Red Hot
Persuasion Wizard,” an ebook that reveals powerful
secrets on how to easily make friends, fully improve
your relationships, multiply your profits, win
negotiations, and attain freedom and power. Visit
http://www.20daypersuasion.com to grab a sample chapter.

Creative thinking is a potential we are all born with. If you don’t use that potential, it is probably because you don’t know and apply the simple principles for developing it. We can remedy that right now.

The two basic principles of creative thinking are:

1. There are methods and techniques of creative thinking.

2. Making these methods and techniques a part of your mental habits will make creative thinking easy and automatic.

An entrepreneur sees the potential profit in a situation, because his mind is trained for that. A lawyer sees the potential problems, because that is how his mind is trained. How we repeatedly think becomes a habit, and that is how you train a mind. Learn the techniques of creative thinking, use them until they are a habit, and creative thinking will be as natural for you as lying is for a politician.

The Techniques Of Creative Thinking

There are dozens of creative problem solving techniques you can learn to use. “Concept-combination,” for example, will have you mixing roses and clocks to create the first alarm clock that wakes you up with a gentle release of fragrance. Use the technique of “random-presentation” and a cell phone can give the idea to do your dictation with a pocket tape recorder while you walk, so you’ll have time for exercise and still get your work done.

Creative thinking goes beyond just solving specific problems or inventing new things. A truly creative mind is always coming up with the questions too, not just the solutions. To be more creative all the time, focus on three things:

1. Challenge your assumptions. What if a restaurant didn’t have employees? Customers could pay a machine as they enter, and feed themselves at a buffet. If everything was as automated as possible, maybe one owner-operator could run a large restaurant alone. Challenge everything. Do you have to go to work? Do pools need water? Is education always a good thing?

2. Change your perspective. Imagining a dog’s thoughts about your busyness could clue you in to the unecessary things you do. Thinking dollars-per-day instead of per-hour could give you a plan to let employees go home when they finish a certain quota. Greater efficiency would be almost certain, and you could adjust daily pay and quotas so both you and employees made more money. Look at everything from several perspectives.

3. Let your ideas run wild. Flying furniture seems silly, but it may lead to the idea of a hover-lifter. Slide the device under furniture and it lifts it with a cushion of air, making for easy moving. Don’t stifle your creativity. Relax, let ideas come, and know that you can always discard them later.

Creating Creative Thinking Habits

To make the above techniques into an automatic part of your thinking, just use them enough. Usually it takes several weeks to develop a habit, so you need a way to remind yourself each day during that time. Try writing a few of your favorite techniques on a card and carrying it with you. Pull it out throughout the day and apply the techniques to anything. Soon, more creative thinking will be a normal part of your life.

Steve Gillman has been studying brainpower and related topics for years. For more creative problem solving techniques, and to subscribe to the Brain Power Newsletter, visit: http://www.IncreaseBrainPower.com

How many times does an artist stare down at that blank piece of paper thinking “What on earth do I paint - Where do I put my first mark?” More often than you would imagine! It happens to all creative people actually, from visual artists, designers, poets, through to musicians and writers.

When this situation arises, you are in the grip of creative block. When you wrack your brains to come up with ideas but just can’t seem to. There may be contributing factors to this state, such as tiredness, depression, environmental, physiological or psychological issues. On the other hand you could just be experiencing a period of simple low creativity.

When this happens there are a few things you can do to restore your creativity levels at will, however what you must not do is worry or fret about it. If the worst comes to the worse and you don’t seem to be able to produce any work, simply regard the period as a ‘holiday’ or a rest. Your creativity level WILL rise again. In the meantime, utilise the time spent not creating
to do positive things anyway.

Research other artists’ work. Visit galleries or surf the net and see what other people are doing. Join artists’ chat rooms or visit message boards or forums where you can exchange ideas and views with other artists. Just talking to other creative people can give you a real buzz! You might even make some new friends in the process.

Spend the time you are not actually producing art, by increasing your marketing efforts. Send postcards to galleries, research upcoming local art fairs or events where you could possibly take a booth to sell your art. Have some leaflets or brochures printed up all about yourself and your work. Take a couple of days out of your schedule and do a local neighbourhood leaflet drop.

Update your website or online portfolio. You may think it’s already perfect but it’s not often that things can’t be improved or sharpened in some way. Update your artist’s statement; put new ‘zing’ into your descriptions.

If you really can’t face doing anything concerning your own artwork, visit the theatre, go to a pop concert, browse local museums. Go to a restaurant or coffee bar with friends and have a (non art related) natter.

Use the time to take a complete break, if this is what works best for you. You will instinctively know when the time is right to ‘go back’ to your art. When this happens there are lots of techniques you can use to get back into the swing of high creativity. These I explore in my article ‘Overcoming Artist’s Block (part 2)’.

Gail Miller is a professional artist whose
artwork is a visual feast of colour and fun.
Her fascination with bold colours and fluid,
expressive shapes and line are evident in
funky abstracts, sinuous nudes, vibrant still
life paintings and lively townscapes.
Visit her website at http://www.gailmiller.com

I have watched for a couple years now, as my wife’s career has really taken off and I must admit, I am impressed. At the age of 55, having had so many life experiences, it just made me sit up and take notice that something huge is happening. In addition to this, I have seen her income quadruple over the past year.

My wife, Leelo-Dianne Bush is a Christian Life Coach. She is also founder and president of PCCCA (Professional Christian Counseling & Coaching Academy). Her work involves helping individuals reach their goals, improve their lives and relationships and overcome obstacles that held them back. She does her work 95% over the phone from her office in our home. Working by phone, she tells me is far more time-efficient and removes geographic barriers. And coaching is all about efficiency and action-driven results, right?

Life Coaching as a profession dates back a mere 30 or so years. While people have been mentoring and coaching others to success for thousands of years, in our fast paced, affluent world, people have stress and time-management problems. Some people just want more out of life. They are willing to invest in themselves to get their life and/or career on track.

Although life coaching started in the secular community, most coaches have a spiritual orientation they bring to coaching. Christians, because our faith involves living and promoting an abundant Christian walk, cannot in good conscience coach others to achieve selfish ends. And let’s face it, about 80% of Americans consider themselves to be Christians. Enter Christian Coaching.

Christian Coaching is Christ-centered, biblically sound and applies these as well as practical strategies to achieve balance in our lives, give back to our community and live in the abundance that the bible teaches us to live in. Poverty simply isn’t biblical. How much can we bless others when we have nothing? And we are called to be a blessing and reach the world for Christ. In doing so, we need to give others a reason to want what we have. When we have peace, joy, financial security and great relationships, it is a great testimony to the world.

When people know we are Christians, they watch us more closely. They want to see whether we walk our talk. They want to know that we have integrity. It all works together to enhance the Christian community and our image. In my opinion, being a Christian is a whole lot more than just saying we are Christian. It defines a faith and a lifestyle.

I have had a life-long passion for helping others. I am the kind of person who is always called on when something needs change or improvement. Seeing how my wife is able to help others, coach them to success, train new Christian Coaches and reap in countless blessings has opened my eyes to this new profession. So I made the decision to become a Certified Christian Life Coach myself. When I have my certification completed, my wife and I will form a joint practice where she will continue what she does and I will become a Christian Life Coach for men. My specialty will likely be helping men achieve balance in their lives so they don’t go through mid-life crises and helping men transition to new careers or retirement.

If you have considered working from home or want to fulfill your calling by helping others either in a solo practice or within your church community, visit the website for Professional Christian Counseling & Coaching Academy at www.pccca.org.

If you want more information on whether this is the right career choice for you, PCCCA has a new ebook entitled “How To Start A Christian Coaching Practice” offered at their website at http://pccca.org/My_Homepage_Files/Page10.html. This ebook at $3.00, shows you the ins and outs of this profession and how to get started so you know what you are getting into before you invest a considerable amount in your training.

Evan Bush resides in Cape Coral, Florida with his wife and daughter. To contact Evan, email him at bushbenning@aol.com.

These days we make more and more choices all the time, from which toothbrush
suits us best to what to do with our lives. It’s great to have so many opportunities
yet the sheer number of choices we make can be wearing. There was the man who
wanted a simple life who took a job as a tomato grader, putting different sized
tomatoes into different boxes. He packed it in after two days through stress. “It was
all the decisions,” he explained.

Yet if we don’t consciously choose, we don’t so much go with the flow as go here
there and everywhere – trying to do, be and have it all. Results vary from spreading
ourselves too thin, to missing out on what we really want.

People who choose well have more of what they wan tin their lives.

How well are you choosing? Quick Quiz.

1. Do you often experience joy, lightness and ease in life?
2. Do you mostly feel good about what you are doing?
3. Do you feel a lot of stress or strain?
4. Are you bored a lot?
5. How often do you regret having committed yourself yet continue anyway? li>

6. Do you find you’re missing out on some important things (like fun, time with
   loved ones, exercise, rest, learning, growing your business)?
7. How much of your life is better now than last year?
8. How often do you make conscious choices about your direction in life?

If any of the above questions make you feel uncomfortable, you will probably
benefit from making better choices.

Many people put off making choices, either from fear of making the wrong choice or
simply not getting around to it. Yet not choosing only perpetuates the fear. There is,
too. Always the nagging doubt that we’re not doing what’s best. We come to the
paradox that not making choices is harder work in the long run.

If we make the big choices about what we want in our lives, we have a direction, a
set of guidelines which makes the smaller choices (like what to pay attention to,
what to do next) more obvious. Day-to-day choosing gets to be simpler and easier.

If you’d like to cultivate the art of choosing well a good place to start is when faced
with a choice to ask - “Does this choice really matter?” A lot of daily choices, like
what to eat or which video to rent are not usually that crucial and you can just go
with your whim or what is to hand, or according to some routine. Today is Friday so
have curry today. This frees up a lot of energy for the important stuff and eliminates
a surprising amount of strain each day.

With the important choices, the vital ingredient for choosing well is clarity. When we
have a sense of what we are about, what we want and where we want to go, then a
lot of choices simply make themselves – and we usually find we experience more joy
in life.

When developing any skill, it’s usually good to start with small steps. Some
questions to consider which could lead to some small but satisfying choices for you
are :-

• What simple action can I take today to make things better for myself?
• What am I prepared to do to be good to myself this month?
• What am I putting up with that I can change this month?

For that vital clarity for those big choices, here are some questions to consider.

• What is your biggest regret in life?
• How could you use that information to go forward from here?
• If you could do, be or have anything, what would it be?
• What’s your life been about so far? What would you like it to be about?
• If you’re unsure what you really want, how could you find out? Who could you
  talk to? What could you explore?
• If you had a clear vision of where you want to go and how to get there, what
  would stop you?
• How could you dismantle any blocks?

In my experience, the way to make consistently excellent choices in all areas of your
life is to work with a good coach. A good coach will not only bring you the clarity
and self-knowledge to make inspired choices but will also introduce you to
resources you hadn’t dreamed of – as well as enabling you to mobilise your own to
the utmost.

Linda Markley http://www.clovercoaching.com