Students Of Success

Depression is a serious illness that can affect our work, family and social life. It can make us feel bad and even lead to suicide in some serious cases. To make matters worse, depression can negatively impact on our sleep. Being depressed can wake us up in the early hours of the morning when unpleasant thoughts and feelings tend to seem a lot worse than during the day.

It’s important not to ignore or try to hide depression. There is medical help available in the majority of cases. Depression is merely a clinical illness like a cold or flu, it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Each one of us had at some point a depressing sad moment. Depression is a normal human reaction associated to a loss, with the tumult of everyday life or with an agitated sentimental life. Sometimes the sadness sensation passes but sometimes it doesn’t, it becomes more persistent and it can lead to nervous breakdowns.

Diseases of the nervous system are very serious and that is why it is important not to pass them off without proper help when we realize we can’t handle them by ourselves. Getting help is not only normal, but vital.

What are the symptoms of depression and is it possible to prevent it? It is important to recognize the symptoms, so we can seek help immediately.

Here are some of the symptoms of depression:

- sadness
- loss of energy and enthusiasm
- a feeling of hopelessness
- finding no joy anymore the things you used to love
- having trouble concentrating
- uncontrolled crying
- headaches, other types of inexplicable aches and itches
- needing to sleep a lot or on the contrary not getting any sleep at all
- loss of appetite and consequent weight loss

These are just some of the symptoms of depression and if you’re experiencing some of them, don’t try to cope on your own. Talk to a close friend or a specialist without delay.

Don’t try and tackle the symptoms one by one. For instance you can’t sort out your insomnia while you’re still depressed. Alleviating the depression will probably result in your sleep patterns returning to normal.

What causes depression? There is no single cause. This is a complex disease that can appear as a result of multiple causes. Depression can also be transmitted among persons that are close to each other, by influence.

There is proof that persons suffering from depression exhibit changes in the brain’s chemistry. There is also proof that depression can be genetic or learned. Children affected by the depression of their parents or parents whose children suffer from chronic depression are more likely to be affected themselves by this illness.

To try and prevent depression we have to know ourselves very well. Although treatable, depression can be hard to prevent once we are already melancholic. The best method to avoid another crisis after a chronic depression is to keep an eye open to its symptoms and its causes. and also get professional help whenever we feel like we need it.

Copyright Wendy Owen 2006

Want to know how to cure insomnia and achieve healthy sleep? Visit
http://www.insomnia-connection.com your resource for good sleep advice and articles. Sign on for our newsletter and receive 2 books absolutely free!
Wendy Owen is a health researcher and author.

Any loss is very traumatic, be it the loss of someone or of something. You may have been prepared for it or it may come as a surprise, more like a tragedy, really. The greatest advantage of knowing in advance that you are going to part with someone or something is that you can say a proper good-bye to it.

Suppose a family member is about to die; instead of pretending that nothing is happening, you will feel better later on knowing that you said your farewell. You may also have a chance to make any ill-will right again. You may apologize, you may declare your love, you may show you care, you may laugh, you may introduce a significant other, you may pay a debt, and so on. Of course, all this is not going to make your grief any less; though it will greatly reduce any guilty feeling that you may have later on.

Or, suppose your last child is leaving for college. Though not a total loss, the empty nest experience may be tremendous, especially if you have had a great relationship with this child. Nevertheless, the loss is real for something is about to change. And changes, positive or negative, are never without distress.

Now, the worst loss is the one not expected. That is incredibly traumatic and may make you absolutely desperate and inconsolable. In this case, it may take you a little longer to work on your grief as usually you tend to ask the question that is not to be asked: “Why?”

Though it is easier to cope with the loss in the first instance than it is in the second one, a loss is a loss and the grieving process is all the same. To help you cope with it so that you can move on, here are 5 suggestions:

1. Take time off so you can deeply feel your sorrow. Do what you must: cry, scream, kick, punch. Let the anger come out and do something about it.

2. Relax and de-stress. You can visit with your true friends and find opportunities to laugh. Chill out and relax. Go for walks in nature, take a bath, make love, appreciate the beauty around you.

3. Do something you truly love. It can be taking up a hobby. Good things to try are the ones you use your hands, for your heart has a special connection to your hands. Let you heart speak. Or else, you can volunteer for a cause which you are passionate about. Think of what causes you great sorrow every time you see it. Volunteer for that.

4. Learn something new. This is a good time to take up piano lessons, or painting, or dance and drama, or learn a language, or learn a computer program.

5. Plan for the next stage of your life. Remember that if you don’t plan, life passes you by. Be proactive, dream and transform your dreams into goals. Check my article: “How to Transform Your Dreams Into Goal” for this step.

You will notice that soon you are not only feeling much better but you are also dramatically improving the quality of your life and those around you.

© Maria Moratto 2006 Want to have more abundance, health, time, love, fun, and blessings? Visit Prescription For Bliss at http://www.rx4bliss.com, sign up for the newsletter and receive a fr*ee ebook called “Happy People Are More Abundant!” Dr. Maria Moratto is the author of “The Inspired Healing Your Body, Mind, and Soul,” “The Inspired Healing: Mending Your Broken Heart,” and “Attract Mney Journal.” You may reprint this article in its entirety as long as you add this resource box.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - “ADD” or “ADHD” - affects between five to ten percent (5% - 10%) of all children in the United States, and three to six percent (3% - 6%) of adults. About 35% of all children referred to mental health clinics are referred for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, making it one of the most prevalent of all childhood psychiatric disorders.

The 5% number is a solid, conservative number supported by a lot of research. Even at 5% each classroom in America will have one or two (2) ADHD kids in the class. So it is a very real, and very significant problem across America.

When only Parent Rating Scales are used in a research project, the numbers will range from a low of seven percent (7%) of school-aged children to a high of twenty-three percent (23%) of children.

You may see published estimates stating that Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder may effect as many as 20% to 30% of children in America, but these numbers are not really supported by research data, and are probably inflated for the purpose of trying to sell something.

However, we should note that Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Head Injuries, or other Specific Learning Disabilities, are often mistaken for ADD ADHD, which can inflate the numbers reported. As many as 10% of children are now being born with FAS or are drug exposed babies.

ADHD is not a “fad” disorder, nor is it a conspiracy by pharmaceutical companies to get more kids on drugs. It is a very real neurological condition that is common enough as to require parents, teachers, and physicians to become better educated about its causes, the available treatment options, and the potential problems with doing nothing. Learn more about ADHD at the ADHD Information Library.

Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library’s family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.

A “role” is defined as the characteristic and expected social behavior of an individual. We all play many roles in life, such as parent or salesperson, and it is not difficult to see how this sense of the word role is related to its meaning in theater, where a “role” was played by a character.

All of these factors have a significant negative impact on self esteem, professional self image and consequently resilience in the face of adversity. In short, without a clear definition of the roles you are to play, the amount of work you are to perform and how these roles intertwine, you may end up like the other thousands of salespeople a year who do not make it in the profession. I will now define professional selling roles and what is generally expected in each.

THE SEVEN ROLES OF HIGHLY COMPETENT SALESPEOPLE ARE:

1. “The Strategic Planner”
2. “The Client-Focused Positioner”
3. “The Persuasive Communicator”
4. “The Focused Catalyst”
5. “The Concerted Facilitator”
6. “The Effective Manager”
7. “The Value-Driven Guardian”

These roles are created by understanding the phases of building customer satisfaction and loyalty (as outlined by the United Professional Sales Association). Their model focuses on the entire transaction experience of a buyer, from initial needs identification, through decision-making, selection, and purchasing. More importantly, this transaction experience continues past the purchase into implementation — and beyond into measuring the quality and return-on-investment of the solution.

In this article, I will explain the third role in greater detail (please see my other articles for in depth explanations of the other roles.)

Primary Focus of This Role:

In this role, you are somebody who has a particular ability to express thoughts, ideas, and plans effectively and when needed — persuasively. Because the volume of communication constantly increases, the chance of information overload with buyers also increases; therefore you will maintain the impact and effectiveness of individual messages by leveraging new and emerging strategies for communication as well as seeking the most efficient communication message and channel for delivery (email, phone, voice mail, face-to-face meeting, presentation, etc).

General Expectations:

You will begin to articulate your company’s recommendation, approach, response, plan, or strategy in clear terms. You will need to set appropriate expectations in an ethical way with the buyer so as to not over-promise your company’s capability to deliver. You will define and refine an actual buying need within a client or prospect company and open dialogue with the company to understand if your firm’s solution(s) can provide a remedy – making sure your company can indeed deliver.

Pre-Sale Expectations:

You will draw on your understanding of a variety of fields such as linguistics, semantics, rhetoric, psychology, sociology, graphic design, management, marketing, economics, and information technology. You will learn to manage communication to achieve specific short-term objectives, influence communication networks and the communication flow within organizations, while developing good interpersonal communication between and among those who work with you. You will build rapport and trust with those you come into contact with through open and honest dialogue. You must have an ability to understand others and to actively engage in a way they feel comfortable.

To accomplish this you must be able to listen effectively and ask questions to determine the root cause of an issue as well as to develop a deeper understanding of the impact of the issues. You must have a keen grasp of non-verbal body language while being gracious and disciplined. You will be asked to focus on customer needs, rather than on your product or service and develop your personal and organizational credibility while minimizing buyer anxiety. You will use this role to increase self-confidence and reduce burnout through effectively managing appropriate messages and communication channels internally as well as managing your own internal positive dialogue and positive “self-talk”.

You will project first impressions that last and use energy and impact to create lasting impressions. You will conduct audience analysis and present to them based on appropriate learning style, cultural, economic, and gender differences. You will understand the ways in which these differences influence communication expectations and behavior, including the length of time it takes to establish business and personal relationships, differences in the conception of time itself, differences in nonverbal communication, and differences in perceptions as they are influenced by language and culture. You will also be asked to effectively deal with different personality types in constantly changing customer environments.

You will select the appropriate words and terminology for the correct audience so you do not speak “over their head” or in a manner that does not translate to their specific organizational status or decision making impact. You will speak clearly, succinctly and professionally in person and on the phone. You will facilitate communication between large accounts where your message may (or may not) be given without you as well as with individuals where you will have the ability to uniquely tailor your approach and style. You must have an understanding of individual customer behavior and how your own behavior affects customer relationships. You must be aware of the non-verbal behavior displayed by buyers. You will synchronize your communication style to theirs, enabling you to ensure no incomprehension or misunderstanding. You will effectively use visual aids, presentations, documentation, brochures, or other marketing collateral where appropriate.

You will use a variety of means to achieve your communication objectives (letters, emails, public presentations, one-on-one presentations, telephone, conference calls, web-seminars, etc). You must have the ability to write written reports, informational memos, or even analytical reports as necessary. You must have a fundamental knowledge of primary and secondary research, techniques for data analysis, and how to give analytical presentations when necessary.

You must have the technical ability to effectively use communications tools, whether word processing, page layout and graphic design, Email, video-conferencing, Internet-based services, teleconferencing, or multimedia. You will also leverage items like cell phones, pagers, and email devices (like “Blackberries”) to help ensure that you can communicate from virtually anywhere to virtually anywhere else at any time. You will understand how to effectively communicate via email and the Internet to communicate with prospects and customers as well as internal management and team members. In some instances, you may need to troubleshoot or repair technological devices so as to maintain effectiveness.

Post-Sale Expectations:

In this role, you will communicate customer concerns regarding quality, perceptions, and problems back to appropriate members of your firm. You will also collect competitive intelligence and communicate that back to marketing and product development team members. You will also leverage political networks inside and outside your organization to help facilitate necessary changes or decisions.

Required Traits of This Role:

You will be asked to be sociable, well-versed in many different subjects, patient, tactful, adaptable, quick, articulate, poised, gracious, and posess humility when appropriate in this role.

———————————–ABOUT BRIAN LAMBERT———————————–

Brian is the Chairman and Founder of the the United Professional Sales Association (UPSA). UPSA is a non-profit organization headquartered in Washington DC that has addressed the concerns and challenges of individual sales professionals. Brian has authored the world’s first universal selling standards and open-source selling framework for free distribution. This ‘Compendium of Professional Selling’ containing the commonly accepted and universally functional knowledge that all sales professionals possess. The open-source selling standards have been downloaded in 16 countries by over 300 people. Over 30 people have made contributions.

Because UPSA is not owned by one person or any company, it is a member organization and guardian of the global standard of entry into the sales profession.

Find out about the membership organization and understand the processes and framework of professional selling at the UPSA Website at http://www.upsa-intl.org.

Find out more about Brian at: http://ezinearticles.com/?expert_bio=Brian_Lambert

Or at http://www.brianlambert.biz

Any form of physical exercise can be a great way to reduce
stress. By regularly going to a gym, for a run or competing in a
team sport, an outlet is created that gives you the opportunity
to focus on an enjoyable activity and literally forget about the
day to day events that may contribute to stress in your life.

By doing physical exercise the body will inevitably get fitter
and stronger. A fit person is less likely to get sick and tired
especially during stressful periods. As a person becomes fitter,
their self esteem and self worth will naturally increase. This
also reduces the likely hood of succumbing to stress and in fact
will typically have a better chance of coping with stressful
situations.

Competitive forms of exercise can also help reduce stress.
Normally, competitive sport will require participants to
regularly train, set goals and work in a team. They are also
required to learn how to cope with stressful moments during a
game as well deal with both victory and defeat. Such activities
emulate real life situations and therefore will help you to deal
with the challenges that life may bring you.

Some physical exercises which involve repetitive movement, such
as running or riding a bike, can have a meditative effect
bringing on change in your the state of consciousness. Like any
other form of meditation, the result is usually an increase in
mental alertness and feeling calm yet more alive.

On an “etheric” level, it is believed that physical exercise has
a cleansing affect on the energy body. All the dirty energy that
contributes to stress is automatically expelled during physical
activity. The energy body will naturally replace this with fresh
energy freely available in the air and the earth.

Relationships are based on trust, nurturance, honesty, attraction, devotion, and of course, in most instances, sex. What happens if the sex is interrupted by a medical condition that prevents the ability to be sexually functional? There are many medical conditions that cause a lack of sexual interest and/or ability. Heart disease, diabetes, psychiatric illness, and others are just a few of the medical conditions that may interrupt what would normally be a healthy functioning sexual experience. Medication is provided to treat and prevent the course of an illness from worsening, or to maintain a level of functioning. What happens when the medication causes a profound change in one’s behavior and thought processes so as to render them impotent, developing a virtually non-existent libido?

Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors, (SSRI’s), do just that. As psychotropic medications used in the treatment of anxiety and depression they are often used as the first line of defense because of their ability to provide excellent results with fewer side effects. Working on the neurotransmitters in the brain, the SSRI’s have been implicated by treatment providers of patients with major depressive and anxiety disorders in causing the problem of sexual dysfunction. Sexual dysfunction also creates other relationship issues: lack of intimacy, loneliness, stress, low self-esteem and more. The patient on the SSRI begins to enjoy life again without the depression or anxiety that plagued them. Their partner, on the other hand, begins to feel the side-effects of the SSRI. The literature shows that SSRI’s are effective and millions of patients who take SSRI’s wouldn’t have it any other way. However, even in the strongest of marriages and partnerships, when there is a strong commitment to the health and well-being between the partners, the curse of the SSRI is powerful. The relationship becomes a one-sided affair where there seems to be little room for change. The patient becomes comfortable with their lack of symptoms and their improved outlook and lifestyle changes. Their partners also appreciate the profound changes, but the sexual intimacy that is lacking is hard to ignore. The SSRI flattens the libido of the patient, not the partner. This is where the problem lies.

So what are couples to do? I struggle with this question as so many of my patients come to me with this particular issue. We talk about intimacy and the varied ways that a couple can be intimate. Touching, sharing thoughts, planning together, and talking about the reality of the situation are all ways of striking back. Weighing the symptoms of depression and anxiety against the new symptom of sexual dysfunction is important. This is not simple. This is a struggle for relationship-survival. Many couples break up because of the inability of the partners to connect on non-sexual or altered- sexual terms. Many couples don’t even know that the medication has caused the problem, believing instead that that the relationship is deteriorating without the understanding of what is happening.

First speak with your doctor. Be candid and let your physician know that you or your partner is experiencing sexual dysfunction. Most doctors will be sympathetic because they have heard this complaint before. When possible, adjusting the medication is a corrective action. Learning how to listen to your partner’s needs is also vitally important. The relationship survived a lot more than this issue up until now. Remember the positive qualities of the relationship before the medication and build on them. Couples need to see their strengths and reach beyond the sexual limitations. In the case of SSRI’s the treatment does become the problem, but it is not insurmountable. Patience, caring, openness, and willingness are the keys to recovering the libido. Awareness that there is a problem and knowing the causes helps the couple make adjustments that become satisfying to both. SSRI’s can be used more effectively to control the symptoms of anxiety and depression when coupled with patient and partner education. It is up to the treatment provider to provide this education to the patient and their partner so that they understand the probability of a restricted libido allowing them to be sexually proactive. There is hope in this area of treatment and recovery.

JJR/NY ©

Spirit in the work place?

Absurd, you say? After all why should it be there? We’re here to work and earn our daily wage.

On the weekends and in the evening many of us watch some amazing sporting feats. Some of us may even participate in some great events. What spirit those athletes have! How they throw everything they have to gain an extra yard, drive an extra foot or shave off an extra millisecond.

Then there’s Monday morning. What happens? People come to work and shuffle paper, see prospects, perhaps they make a sale, deal with customer complaints, speak to suppliers, arrange meetings, hold meetings, read e-mail, mail, send mail, e-mail. Are they challenged? Do they really want to be there? What would they be doing if they weren’t there?

You as manager or owner wonder why the quarterly results aren’t what you predicted. Even with a good spin they still suck like a bad dream. So what’s the problem? Motivation? You sent the sales guys to Zig Ziglar last year and that didn’t help. Sales training is not going to help the finance department get with the program. They don’t take any ownership of the results because they merely pulled them from the system.

So what could it take to have your team or your business working like a Pro sports team?

Involvement, accountability, understanding of the vision, learning more about the business, learning more about the function they perform and even about their team.

Now ole Fred Taylor really killed spirit when he decided to break work down into its constituent parts. In the Taylorist days no one had ownership of the end product. People were not doing their best and nobody really cared. Mediocrity ruled the day. They clocked their hours and were paid. They did what was asked of them and nothing more, mere factors of production, that’s it. They didn’t care for their labors and hence quality products were a dream. Consultants leaped on this and found ways of improving quality, reducing waste, saving time, working smarter not harder. Still, however the worker was not really engaged, just worked harder in the name of productivity.

Total Quality Management (TQM), however, in a weird way actually brings spirit back into the place of work! Things slowly began to change. The Japanese approach where anybody can shut down a line at any time brings ownership of the final product back to the workers. The workers thus had a return of their integrity; they could have a mission in life, a value, a purpose. Amazing, they could swear they had made the best gosh darn car there was. And mean it!

So could it be that by not doing your best and saying that you were is a lie? We know how we hate liars! Just ask a recent ex US President! They say lying corrupts the soul; it sure has corrupted our business world. From poor quality products to ENRON scale corruption. Can we turn over a new leaf? Can we take pride in our activities? Youbetcha!

Now if TQM’s philosophy is about getting things right the first time and doing better tomorrow than you did today. It could be seen as pretty close to a religious tenant. In this day and age where we are seeing the return of religious morals back to the work place, TQM and its resulting focus on excellence is a way in which we are doing it. Perhaps not striving for excellence could be contrived as heresy. If Monty Python were a manager he’d have his staff stoned, with rocks not pot!

What does this mean for us as CEO’s, managers or even supervisors?

We have to focus on what we are being and let our staff or our teams be the best they can be. It’s about ‘being’, not doing. We’re human beings, after all. We need to be.

We make small changes in the way we do things. Kaizen is an example of that. Six Sigma and Lean Manufacturing and the resulting process improvement are all about how we do things. Doing things in an improved manner leads to incremental changes not to huge changes, just marginal change. Which for many industries and business is good enough. It affects what, and how, we are doing our jobs and producing results.

If an industry is in transformation making process changes isn’t going to do much. It’s like Nero fiddling while Rome burnt to the ground. If we want to make huge transformations in our business we’ll have to focus on what we are ‘being’, in order to achieve the results we are focused on. In order to counter the threat of Apple IBM had to transform it’s business model. It had to be in the PC market. While it was in the Computer market generally it wasn’t at that point in the PC market. It had to cahnge the way it operated to counter Apple’s strategy and success. Or go away like many older businesses that could not transform themselves. No small changes there! IBM did and it survived to compete, and it’s still in the game growing stronger every day. COuld your organization do the same?

We as managers, business owners and staff, need to create something that is not possible in our current reality. This means we have to be involved in developing our strategies for going forward. The we have to ensure they are implemented. Implementation and execution of the strategies is of paramount importance. Stepping boldly where we have not stepped before. Who really believed man would walk on the moon less than ten years after JFK made his promise? So who believes your business can be something it currently isn’t? Can we strive for 100 percent improvement, as opposed to 10 percent? Why not? What’s holding you back? What’s not feasible? Or is that only true because you don’t know that there is a new technology that will change everything, overnight? What are you going to ‘be’all o when you grow up?

Let the spirit return to the workplace. No, I am not talking about having a religious session in the lunchroom. Let people be all of what they are capable of. Let your business transform. Not a slow change or death, but an amazing transformation. Let it fly and your team along with it!

As the US army says – Be all you can be.

By Graeme Nichol of Arcturus Advisors. Please visit their website at http://www.arcturusadvisors.com. Arcturus Advisors works with business leaders and their teams to close the gap between great strategies and mediocre results. We use the Best Year Yet process to get you to focus on a shared vision and agree on how to achieve it. We get team members to value and respect the individual members and achieve results that far exceed individual contribution.

“I changed my mind.”

These are four of the most powerful words in the English
language. They can prevent you from being manipulated into an
undesirable outcome and launch you on the road to personal and
spiritual growth. Depriving yourself of the freedom to change
your mind will lock you into a rigid mindset that can hamper
your successes and your development.

Early in life you may have been led to believe it’s not good to
change your mind. There are numerous words with negative
connotations associated with those who do change their minds:
fickle, indecisive, hesitant, unsure, wavering, erratic or
wishy-washy. You’d much prefer to be known as steadfast,
decisive, confident and sure.

Skilled manipulators use this near-universal conditioning
against you every day. For example, how many times has a
salesman asked you, “Are you in a position to make a decision
today?” Once you agree to this proposition, you’ll feel pressure
to “make a decision today,” and buy the product, even if you
have reservations. After all, if you don’t buy, you’d be
indecisive.

But this is not what changing your mind is all about. Changing
your mind means that after thinking about the subject or after
gathering more complete information, you came to a different
conclusion - a better and more informed decision. This is not
being indecisive. It’s being logical, prudent and wise.

What would happen if you weren’t allowed to change your mind?
You’d be forced to believe the sun revolves around the earth.
Your evolution on every level depends on your ability to
assimilate new information and “change your mind” as to what it
means and how it applies.

Psychologists call the unease you feel when you hold two
conflicting opinions cognitive dissonance. The theory is that
you will be unwilling to simultaneously hold two apparently
contradictory beliefs in your mind and will attempt to modify
one or the other to minimize the dissonance or conflict.

If you told the salesman that “you would be in a position to
make a decision today,” and yet, you feel you need more time to
gather additional information and think it through, you are
experiencing dissonance. The skilled salesman will use your
cognitive dissonance to push you to a buying decision today! If
he lets you think it over, you may not make the purchase or may
buy from someone else. Ever buy a new car after talking to only
one dealer?

Imagine what would happen with instances of more deep-seated
beliefs. You think so-and-so is the best candidate, the finest
restaurant or the fastest car. To complicate matters, also
imagine that you are on record as publicly stating that
so-and-so is the best candidate, the finest restaurant or the
fastest car. You have invested your “credibility” in this
belief. What happens when new evidence comes along that
contradicts this deep-seated belief? You immediately discount it.

Not only do you have the dissonance associated with trying to
hold two contradictory beliefs in your mind simultaneously, but,
even worse, if you accept the new idea, that might mean the
first one was WRONG and you’ve lost your invested credibility!

How would most people handle the situation? Most people don’t
like being wrong, so they would either ignore the new idea or,
even worse, come up with all sorts of counter arguments as to
why it’s wrong. In extreme cases, they may outright lie to
others and to themselves, just to avoid the cognitive
dissonance. To an independent observer, this appears totally
irrational. To a student of human behavior, it is understandable.

As mystics, we’re after the truth. So if it turns out the second
idea is more accurate, serves us better, or is otherwise
superior to the first, we owe it to ourselves and to others to
accept it, at least until a better idea comes along. We may be
forced to utter three words that are even more powerful than “I
changed my mind”:

“I was wrong.”

Being able to admit a mistake is a sign of humility, which is a
prized mystic virtue. It does not mean you’re a doormat or that
you are subservient to somebody else. Changing your mind after
gathering more complete information and thoroughly thinking
things through is a sign of being logical, thorough, thoughtful
and wise. Your prime allegiance is to the truth, regardless of
where it originates.

There is tremendous freedom in uttering these powerful words.
Your cognitive dissonance vanishes. You don’t have to expend any
energy defending the idea of “being right.” You are free to
pursue the truth without baggage.

Once you get into the habit of allowing yourself to say “I
changed my mind” and “I was wrong,” you will experience newfound
freedom. You will have taken 7 powerful steps towards the mystic
virtue of wisdom. You will have also added the foundation of
another mystic virtue: detachment. We will discuss more mystic
virtues in future newsletters.

It will be several hours until the alarm buzzes, but suddenly a man bolts up to a near-sitting position in bed. The room is peaceful, yet he’s terrified, and can’t immediately reason why. Then, after convincing himself that all’s calm and he’s safe, he begins to unravel a few details of what has just scared him awake.

Another alarm sounds and a woman shuts it off, pulls the covers over her head and tries desperately to return to what was so abruptly interrupted. There were flowers and a blue sky. She was sixteen and size eight again.

In another house, a five year old runs into her parent’s bedroom, waking them at 2.00 a.m. because she woke up to find a monster sitting on her lampshade.

Dreams can be convincing. They can be prophetic. They can also be elusive. Some people swear they never have them, while others have almost total recall of a great number of them. Some people can even get totally engrossed in a semi-dream state during the day.

Researchers have a variety of theories explaining the phenomenon of dreaming. Some say that dreams help us get back in touch with our inner individual self. This is reinforced whenever we’re confronted with a problem that hasn’t been solved by the end of the day and we’re told to “sleep on it,” as if the answer is going to somehow sashay to the surface later in the night.

Another theory is that dreaming is our mind’s way of cleaning the clutter from our mental computer so we can retain the more important stuff. This might explain why we wake up tired…we’ve simply swept our brains too much during the night. Often, students study directly before going to sleep, thinking that the information will be more easily retained and recalled the next day.

Yet another theory for dreaming is that it helps us understand what we’ve seen, felt and experienced, in somewhat of an information assimilation process. That it acts as our own personal housekeeper and file clerk.

Apparently, we’re all quite active during sleep time. Scientists say that we sleep each night in 4 or 5, ninety-minute stages. It is during the REM (Rapid Eye Movement) stage that we do our best dreaming. We have a dream segment approximately every 90 minutes. Usually though, we won’t remember any of them unless we’ve been interrupted and awakened while they were happening.

It seems that if you’ve mastered the art of “lucid dreaming” you can control the conversation and action and pretty much have things your way. As of yet though, I’ve never been able to do that, asleep or awake.

There are many dream interpretation books available, but chances are you know someone who immediately explains your dream by saying, “Well, you obviously must have been thinking about it sometime that day.” (”Yes, Aunt Clarese, I was thinking about a barking bat taking off with my blow dryer earlier at lunch today.”)

Certain circumstances can affect the type of dreams we have. Eating food a short time before going to sleep can pave the way for some unique experiences. Or watching a scary movie can increase the odds that you’ll have a scary dream that night. Stress and worry can also affect our dreams.

I guess I don’t mind entering the somewhat fantasy world of a dream, as long as there are no ten foot tap-dancing artichokes yelling advice and trying to sell me a condo on the beach. But forget them or recall them, ignore them or try to interpret them…dreams are a part of our life and it’s for our benefit that they’re going to continue to be.

Regenia G. Butcher is an author on Writing.Com (http://www.Writing.Com/). Visit her writings at http://www.sensity.Writing.Com and read for a while.

So here’s the story… I moved to Stroudsburg, PA this past July to become Rabbi at Temple Israel of the Poconos. As part of the move, I needed to find new doctors who would look after me. I made an appointment with one of the local specialists, who suggested that I should have my lungs checked as part of a thorough physical examination. So he scheduled me for a C.A.T. scan, expecting to find nothing out of the ordinary. Well, surprise, surprise! When I returned to the doctor for the results, he told me that there was a spot on my lungs, and he could not rule out lung cancer!

Next he scheduled me three days later for a P.E.T. scan, which would definitely show if anything was going on in my throat. I came to the surgery center and they inserted some dye through an IV, which would flow through my entire upper body, and by means of the the scan, would clearly allow the radiologists to diagnose any real or potential problems. So I lay still for sixty-five minutes, trying to “zone out,” actually counting the seconds (one thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three…) and pretty much trying to act like the macho man that I did not feel like. My doctor had scheduled the next appointment for a week later. I asked him for an earlier date, but he said it took that long for the results and the evaluation of the scan. Actually, that was all done two hours after the test, but who knew?

I had a whole week to think about dying of lung cancer. What made it really scary was–my Mother died of lung cancer. She was a heavy smoker, I have never smoked, but I had already presumed that it was genetic and that my life was over. And then I began to plan. What would I do with the time I had left? First, would I take chemo and radiation for the cancer? I decided absolutely not, since I was not prepared to spend the next year suffering through mind-and-body-numbing treatments which would at best give me another month or two of life which was not-life. I have seen too many of my congregants and friends go through that, it was not for me. Would I quit my job as Rabbi? Yes, I would have done that immediately, and I even began working on my final sermon. I would have told my new congregation that there were places in this world that I wanted to visit with Ellen, and that I especially needed to return to Israel for a final visit, so I was resigning from the pulpit, to live out the rest of my life the way I wanted to. I would thank them for the lessons they have already taught me even in the short time we had together, and I would ask their forgiveness for any pain I had caused them. In short, I would complete my relationship with them before I left.

After seeing other parts of the world, I would return home and begin to travel all across the country, giving a lecture to anyone who might be interested, entitled: “Final Life-Thoughts of a Grateful Rabbi.” The lecture would talk about gratitude being my first-choice feeling on learning of my impending death. Above all, I am grateful for the life that I had been granted; I considered my life a precious gift to me from God. After gratitude comes everything else, all other feelings and thoughts. The world can only be repaired when gratitude replaces entitlement, when we move outside of ourselves toward others in our lives. I was not angry, just sad that I would not live to see my kids’ life-cyle events or share in the lives of my grandchildren as I had hoped to be able to do. My hopes, dreams and aspirations have been reached, I would die fulfilled and happy. If my time had come, I would be ready, unafraid and unashamed of what I had accomplished in my life. I know that I have mattered to lots of folks, and my teachings and my memories would be my final gift to them, and to the Universe.

I fully believe that when our mission on this earth is accomplished, we can then be ready and prepared to leave this world for whatever comes next. The problem is–who among us knows when that will happen? How will we know when our life-missions will have been accomplished? We don’t, so that when God has decided that my earthly purpose has been fulfilled, who am I to argue? Even more, I have known too many women and men who have lived “too long,” that is to say that their final years were spent in pain or in a nursing home, or totally unable to communicate with those they love. I would indeed be fortunate, because I would leave this life on my own terms, proud and grateful. And not in any physical pain.

So you see, smart guy that I am, I was sure I had it all figured out. Needless to say, thank God, the results came back showing that the spot on my lungs was just that, some benign scar tissue left over from who-knows-when. I was elated. I really was! But to tell the deep, dark, dirty, honest-to-God truth, I was just a wee bit disappointed at the same time. I was actually looking forward to the last year of my life, I was going to be able to fill the closing chapter of my existence with passion! Between seeing the world, teaching women and men all across America the truths I had learned, finishing my book on grief and hope, perhaps starting another book, my days would be filled with joy and creativity. They would be filled with life, not death, and when the end would come, I would feel that the banquet of my life had been well worth my fifty-nine years of effort.

That’s my story, and it has a happy ending. Sort of. The gnawing-in-my-kishkas question I continue to ask myself ever since this happened is: What’s stopping me from doing all those things I was going to do when I knew I was dying? How many of them can I still do right now, while I am still living? Why will I have to wait until the Angel of Death comes calling for me, for real? It is these questions, not thoughts of my death, which continue to haunt me. Maybe soon I’ll have some good answers.

http://www.yourgriefmatters.com