10 Common Dreams Revealed

Filed under:Better Psychology — posted on April 29, 2008 @ 4:24 pm

Here are the meanings of ten common dreams that people have:

Being Chased or Attacked
To dream that you engage in a fight, denotes that you will have unpleasant encounters with your business opponents, and law suits threaten you.

To see fighting, denotes that you are squandering your time and money. For women, this dream is a warning against slander and gossip.

For a young woman to see her lover fighting, is a sign of his unworthiness. To dream that you are defeated in a fight, signifies that you will lose your right to property.

To whip your assailant, denotes that you will, by courage and perseverance, win honor and wealth in spite of opposition.

To dream that you see two men fighting with pistols, denotes many worries and perplexities, while no real loss is involved in the dream, yet but small profit is predicted and some unpleasantness is denoted.

Wind
To dream of the wind blowing softly and sadly upon you, signifies that great fortune will come to you through bereavement.

If you hear the wind soughing, denotes that you will wander in estrangement from one whose life is empty without you.

To walk briskly against a brisk wind, foretells that you will courageously resist temptation and pursue fortune with a determination not easily put aside. For the wind to blow you along against your wishes, portends failure in business undertakings and disappointments in love. If the wind blows you in the direction you wish to go you will find unexpected and helpful allies, or that you have natural advantages over a rival or competitor.

Ladder
To dream of a ladder being raised for you to ascend to some height, your energetic and nervy qualifications will raise you into prominence in business affairs.

To ascend a ladder, means prosperity and unstinted happiness.

To fall from one, denotes despondency and unsuccessful transactions to the tradesman, and blasted crops to the farmer.

To see a broken ladder, betokens failure in every instance.

To descend a ladder, is disappointment in business, and unrequited desires.

To escape from captivity, or confinement, by means of a ladder, you will be successful, though many perilous paths may intervene.

To grow dizzy as you ascend a ladder, denotes that you will not wear new honors serenely. You are likely to become haughty and domineering in your newly acquired position.

House / Property Damage
To dream of visiting your old home, you will have good news to rejoice over.

To see your old home in a dilapidated state, warns you of the sickness or death of a relative. For a young woman this is a dream of sorrow. She will lose a dear friend.

To go home and find everything cheery and comfortable, denotes harmony in the present home life and satisfactory results in business.

Fire
Fire is favorable to the dreamer if he does not get burned. It brings continued prosperity to seamen and voyagers, as well as to those on land.

To dream of seeing your home burning, denotes a loving companion, obedient children, and careful servants.

For a business man to dream that his store is burning, and he is looking on, foretells a great rush in business and profitable results.

To dream that he is fighting fire and does not get burned, denotes that he will be much worked and worried as to the conduct of his business. To see the ruins of his store after a fire, forebodes ill luck. He will be almost ready to give up the effort of amassing a handsome fortune and a brilliant business record as useless, but some unforeseen good fortune will bear him up again.

If you dream of kindling a fire, you may expect many pleasant surprises. You will have distant friends to visit.

To see a large conflagration, denotes to sailors a profitable and safe voyage. To men of literary affairs, advancement and honors; to business people, unlimited success.

Falling / Drowning
To dream that you sustain a fall, and are much frightened, denotes that you will undergo some great struggle, but will eventually rise to honor and wealth; but if you are injured in the fall, you will encounter hardships and loss of friends.

To dream of drowning, denotes loss of property and life; but if you are rescued, you will rise from your present position to one of wealth and honor.

To see others drowning, and you go to their relief, signifies that you will aid your friend to high places, and will bring deserved happiness to yourself.

For a young woman to see her sweetheart drowned, denotes her bereavement by death.

Nakedness
To dream that you are naked, foretells scandal and unwise engagements.

To see others naked, foretells that you will be tempted by designing persons to leave the path of duty. Sickness will be no small factor against your success.

To dream that you suddenly discover your nudity, and are trying to conceal it, denotes that you have sought illicit pleasure contrary to your noblest instincts and are desirous of abandoning those desires.

For a young woman to dream that she admires her nudity, foretells that she will win, but not hold honest men’s regard. She will win fortune by her charms. If she thinks herself ill-formed, her reputation will be sullied by scandal. If she dreams of swimming in clear water naked, she will enjoy illicit loves, but nature will revenge herself by sickness, or loss of charms. If she sees naked men swimming in clear water, she will have many admirers. If the water is muddy, a jealous admirer will cause ill-natured gossip about her.

Disasters
To dream of being in any disaster from public conveyance, you are in danger of losing property or of being maimed from some malarious disease.

For a young woman to dream of a disaster in which she is a participant, foretells that she will mourn the loss of her lover by death or desertion.

To dream of a disaster at sea, denotes unhappiness to sailors and loss of their gains. To others, it signifies loss by death; but if you dream that you are rescued, you will be placed in trying situations, but will come out unscathed.

To dream of a railway wreck in which you are not a participant, you will eventually be interested in some accident because of some relative or friend being hurt, or you will have trouble of a business character.

Trapped
To dream of setting a trap, denotes that you will use intrigue to carry out your designs

If you are caught in a trap, you will be outwitted by your opponents.

If you catch game in a trap, you will flourish in whatever vocation you may choose.

To see an empty trap, there will be misfortune in the immediate future.

An old or broken trap, denotes failure in business, and sickness in your family may follow.

Ghosts
To dream of the ghost of either one of your parents, denotes that you are exposed to danger, and you should be careful in forming partnerships with strangers.

To see the ghost of a dead friend, foretells that you will make a long journey with an unpleasant companion, and suffer disappointments.

For a ghost to speak to you, you will be decoyed into the hands of enemies. For a woman, this is a prognostication of widowhood and deception.

To see an angel or a ghost appear in the sky, denotes the loss of kindred and misfortunes.

To see a female ghost on your right in the sky and a male on your left, both of pleasing countenance, signifies a quick rise from obscurity to fame, but the honor and position will be filled only for a short space, as death will be a visitor and will bear you off.

To see a female ghost in long, clinging robes floating calmly through the sky, indicates that you will make progression in scientific studies and acquire wealth almost miraculously, but there will be an under note of sadness in your life.

To dream that you see the ghost of a living relative or friend, denotes that you are in danger of some friend’s malice, and you are warned to carefully keep your affairs under personal supervision. If the ghost appears to be haggard, it may be the intimation of the early death of that friend.

Todd runs the Dream Interpretations Guide
web site at: http://dreaminterpretationsguide.com, a
dream dictionary containing over 10,000 dreams interpreted.

Don’t Be Surprised!

Filed under:Better Psychology — posted on April 2, 2008 @ 8:48 pm

Life wasn’t easy for cave men. They had to hunt all day, kill their dinner with a club, and drag the carcass to the cave. Then they had to butcher the animal and rub sticks together for a fire to cook it. They made clothes from the leftovers. And I think I have it rough when the husband wants me to cook instead of picking up carry out!

Life wasn’t easy for our ancestors who crossed oceans seeking freedom. It wasn’t easy for pioneers who fought wild Indians, and settled the wilderness. Life has never been easy for past generations. It won’t be any different for us.

I used to think I would arrive some day at that magical age when everything would be easy and problem free. Now I’ve wised up and learned this simple math equation: life = problems.

Trouble is a natural part of life like taxes, Big Macs, bad hair days, and Leave it to Beaver reruns. If you expect to have an idyllic life like Ward and June Cleaver, you may be in for disappointment. No matter how good life can be, there will always be some difficulty mixed in. Expecting to face some trouble can help us deal with it more effectively.

When Herbert Hoover decided to go into politics, he knew he would get criticism, but he went ahead anyway. Later he said, “When the criticism came, I wasn’t surprised; I was better able to handle it.”

The Bible confirms that hardships should not surprise us. The apostle Peter wrote, “Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial, which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you.” (1 Peter 5: 12, 13)

So why am I sometimes surprised when hassles come my way? Loved one get sick or hurt, people lose jobs or homes. These things happen in life: car trouble, financial trouble, and in-law trouble. Unfortunately, none of us is exempt from problems. Do you sometimes feel that trouble attacks you like a swarm of angry bees? You swat one, and two more sneak up and sting you from behind. But don’t let that depress you; we have hope!

I was shocked when I realized life isn’t just about what I want, and I’m not here just to enjoy a pain-free life. When I asked myself what my life’s purpose was, I realized God created me to get to know Him, to serve and glorify Him, and to become more like Him. The Bible says we need to be transformed. (Romans 12:2) That’s not a miraculous happening. It’s a process that involves problems. Problems are not only a normal part of life, but they’re a necessary part too. They prepare us for the future. Not just the future five years from now, but also for the future that comes after our earthly lives end.

Only in heaven is life perfect and easy. But with each problem comes a chance to fulfill your purpose on earth, to learn something new, and to develop a more godly character. It can be difficult to remember this, though, when you’re buried in heartache.

The good thing about pain is that it helps me put my focus where it should be, on the only one who can help me cope. When I practice depending upon Him rather than myself, I fulfill my purpose.

People often learn lessons during tough times that they could never have learned if life had been easy. I’ve found that I more fully enjoy beauty, since I nearly lost my ability to see it.

Think about a frightening circumstance you were forced to endure, and ask yourself what positive result came from it. Chances are you gained some special gift or grew spiritually in some way, not in spite of your ordeal, but because of it. That’s why I say this life is merely a practice run or testing ground. It teaches us, stretches and sharpens us, strengthens us, and prepares us for eternity.

There are many unhappy endings in this life, but we can embrace hope knowing that the next life will not only be happier, but it will have no end.

When we understand that difficulties are inevitable and that we can’t handle them on our own, we realize why it’s important to develop a relationship with the all-powerful God before those trials come. It’s good to know that we have a close relationship with, and are dearly loved by, the only one who can provide the strength, perseverance, and courage we will undoubtedly need throughout life. He’s just waiting for us to ask for His help. “He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it, He will answer you.” (Isaiah 30:19)

Author Marsha Jordan is founder of a nonprofit charity called Hugs and Hope for Sick Children (http://www.hugsandhope.org). More of her articles on depression are in her book, Hugs, Hope, and Peanut Butter, a compilation of essays illustrated with drawings by critically ill children.

Pain is never easy, but it’s more bearable with the healing power of laughter; and you’ll laugh with the author as she recounts, in Erma Bombeck style, her search for the perfect purse, camping adventures, her badly behaved toy poodle, and her experience with a new magnifying mirror. Some chapter titles include, “Limburger Attitude, “The Joy of Shopping,” “Is Broccoli Hazardous?” and “Life in the Manure Pile.” She also outlines ten tips for beating depression, written from her own experience of battling this illness for most of her life.

Other essays in thee book include, “More Than I Can Handle,” “Ten Tips For Beating Depression,” “Why Doesn’t God Answer My Prayer?” and “What Did I Do To Deserve This?” Order the book or learn more at http://www.hugsandhope.org/book.htm

Practical Tips to Help Your Employee with Asperger Syndrome Get Established in Your Office

Filed under:Better Psychology — posted on March 27, 2008 @ 1:05 am

You have just hired someone who has Asperger Syndrome, or perhaps you suspect so, and indeed he or she has very strong skills to match the job description. It is likely that you will be very pleased because people with Asperger Syndrome tend to have strong focus and commitment to a job well done.

To set up for office place success, you will find it pays off to invest in some training time, early on in some of those skills unrelated to the primary job, but fundamentally important to navigating the day at the office.

Here are seven straightforward strategies to help your new employee prosper and produce for your business.

1. Logical lists. As you see a routine or task that requires daily attention, log it on a list. Explaining the purpose behind the task may help it to become automatic. People with Asperger Syndrome like to make sense out of things.

2. Create a ‘cheat sheet’ for phone coverage. If want your employee to pinch hit on the phones, have a few generic phrases that work for your workplace, for example, “Can I have someone get back to you with that information?”

3. Be very specific about what you expect in general office matters. Help her to know where more and less flexibility is in order and appropriate in the daily flow of the work place. What routines must be done one way only? Observe, make notes and plan for periodic feedback time.

4. Be prepared to give your input with some of the smaller steps you may not typically think of stating. Gradually transfer responsibility and accountability to your employee, withdrawing your level of involvement as you see him catching on to the rhythms of your office place.

5. Help her become comfortable with the social culture of your workplace. People with Asperger tend to want to stay focused on tasks they enjoy. Being specific about when to go for breaks and lunch will be a guide for opportunities to personally connect with co-workers.

6. Have a set routine for evaluation and feedback sessions. Start the meeting by talking about the qualities you see in your new employee. “Here’s where your work is very well done.” Be sensitive to feelings of past failure with social and organizational issues. Your employee with Asperger is probably quite familiar with his weaknesses, having heard about them and struggled with them in some other past setting. You can say ” Here’s where we will work together:”

7. Don’t be afraid to be blunt. It will be helpful. There is a distinction between ‘blunt’ and ‘rude.’ He will appreciate and understand directness and clarity. If you are finding yourself repeating requests, you can say, “What plan can we come up with to help you establish routines that I have been reminding you about?”

For more tips and tools to help people with Asperger Syndrome in the work place see companion article Communication Tips to Help Your Employee with Asperger Syndrome Thrive in Your Work Place

Ellen Mossman-Glazer - EzineArticles Expert Author

Ellen Mossman-Glazer M.Ed. is a Life Skills Coach and Behavioral Specialist, specializing in Asperger Syndrome, High Functioning Autism, ADHD, and learning difficulties. Over her 20 years in special education classrooms and children’s treatment settings, Ellen has seen the struggle that children have when they feel they don’t fit in. She now works in private practice with people across the USA and Canada, by phone, teleconference groups and email, helping parents, educators, caregivers and their challenging loved ones, to find their own specific steps and tools to thrive. Ellen is the author of two on line e-zines, Emotion Matters: Tools and Tips for Working with Feelings and Social Skills: The Micro Steps. Subscribe for free and see more about Ellen at http://artofbehaviorchange.com/
You can take a free mini assessment which Ellen will reply to with your first action step.

Education and Communications Pathways and Pitfalls

Filed under:Better Psychology — posted on February 21, 2008 @ 7:00 am

“Communications help to keep people feeling included in and connected to the organization…give people information, and do it again and again.” William Bridges, Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Change

• You need to establish the few core messages you want to communicate throughout your organization. Use any and every communication channel you can to review, remind, and reinforce them. These include:

o Newsletters

o Videos

o Voice and e-mail updates and dialogues

o Recognition and celebration events

o Annual shareholder reports

o Annual improvement reports

o Visits to, from, and among customers and partners

o Special improvement days and fairs that allow teams to display their activities and results

o Orientation and training sessions

o Teleconferences

o Intranet sites

o Toll-free hot lines and telephone information centers

• Get out and talk to people. Multiple communication channels can and should be widely used to reinforce and support your core messages. But the best way to communicate is in person. The most effective communication approaches are like political campaigns. Leaders are out actively “pressing the flesh” and standing up to present their change and improvement themes and core messages. During times of major change or refocus, we’ve seen senior managers at some large organizations spend well over one hundred days per year delivering these vital communication messages. That’s leadership.

• Develop your “stump speech” or “talking points” among your management team before any of you heads out to give your version to the rest of the organization. This generally includes messages around your Change Drivers, Focus and Context (vision, values, and purpose), key goals and priorities, change/improvement plans, and such.

• Get people together. Get teams together weekly, monthly, and certainly no less than quarterly. That’s especially important for management, operational, or improvement teams that aren’t in the same building. At my previous consulting company, The Achieve Group, we found frequent face-to-face communications were the most important when we could least afford the time or the money to hold them. We continually find that getting the key players together can turn around most misunderstandings, mistrust, and misdirection. BUT, and here’s the “big if” - only if the meetings are well run.

• Develop highly visible scoreboards, bulletin boards, or voice mail, electronic or printed announcements of progress toward team and organization goals and priorities.

• Share all core strategic measurements (including “confidential” financial, and operating data) with everyone in your organization. Treat people like full-fledged business partners and they’ll act that way. But don’t snow them under with a blizzard of meaningless reports and numbers. Train everyone how to read these data. Show them how to relate the measurements to their daily operations and improvement activities.

• Team education, learning, and communication can be kept simple. In my early management years I got a lot of mileage from having my team sit around a conference table reading, discussing, and debating selected book passages or articles. This dialogue established a common values and knowledge base that enhanced mutual understanding, teamwork, communications, and context for further training and work together.

• Establish an internal “best practices and good tries” communication system, clearinghouse, or network. A free flow of information and active communications is the lifeblood of a learning organization. Use videos, visits, fairs, Intranet sites, voice and e-mail, meetings, reports, hot lines, teleconferences, information technologies, and the like.

• Get feedback from your customers and partners on the characteristics of your education and communication strategies, systems, and practices. How many communication channels are you using? Are they clogged or working well? What others could you be using?

• When you’re sick of repeating the same core messages over and over again is about the time that people in your organization are just starting to hear you. First they didn’t understand. Then they didn’t believe. If you stop repeating yourself now, they’ll conclude that you weren’t serious after all.

• Just as a marketing professional would never rely on just one marketing channel, don’t rely too heavily on the management hierarchy to deliver your core messages. It’s full of filters and personal agendas that twist and distort your messages. Yet you can’t go around your managers. They need to be central in communicating, reinforcing, and repeating your core themes. So start with them and give them that responsibility. But don’t assume it will be delivered as you wanted. That’s why personal meetings and multiple communication channels are so important.

• Keep moving your best people to the teams, positions, and parts of the organization that will spread their experience and leadership as broadly as possible. It’s also a great way to continue their development.

• Reward and thank people who bring you bad news before it’s festered into a catastrophe.

Trust and communication levels go together. Find out how high your organization or team trust levels are. If they’re low find out what’s causing the problem. This may be painful. The source of misunderstandings and mistrust is often in the leaders’ behavior.

Jim Clemmer is a bestselling author and internationally acclaimed keynote speaker, workshop/retreat leader, and management team developer on leadership, change, customer focus, culture, teams, and personal growth. During the last 25 years he has delivered over two thousand customized keynote presentations, workshops, and retreats. Jim’s five international bestselling books include The VIP Strategy, Firing on All Cylinders, Pathways to Performance, Growing the Distance, and The Leader’s Digest. His web site is http://www.clemmer.net/articles.

Be Curious - And Be A Successful Communicator

Filed under:Better Psychology — posted on February 20, 2008 @ 11:01 am

There are many ways to improve the way you communicate. For example, you will always start things off on the right foot by opening the conversation in a way that creates mutual respect. Using phrases such as, “If you have a minute, I’d like to talk with you about something that I think will improve the way we work together,” helps set your conversation partner at ease. It tells him or her that you have positive intentions.

It is also important to know your purpose for the conversation. Some purposes are more useful than others. A useful purpose is one you have power over. For instance, you can control your own reaction; you can share your view; learn about your partner’s view; work toward a sustainable solution.

On the other hand, examples of purposes that are NOT useful are: trying to change the other person; attempting to control their reaction; or going in with a hidden agenda.

Be Interested

Of the many ways to improve your conversation skills, one of the best is to be interested. Curiosity is one of the most useful tools in the communication toolbox. When you enter the conversation with “beginner’s mind,” you will necessarily adopt the attitude of a learner. You will not have to pretend to ask honest, open questions. They will come naturally. As you listen, you can reflect on what is being said (and not said). You will gain information and ease tension. If you can’t think of a question, you can always acknowledge what you’ve heard, or you can say: “I see, tell me more about that.”

One of the reasons we’re not curious more often is that we mentally equate curiosity with agreement. We think that if we don’t disagree immediately, our conversation partner will assume we’re okay with whatever he is saying. This is not useful thinking. It prevents you from seeing the whole picture and from learning where your partner is coming from.

The next time you find yourself in a difficult conversation, give yourself and your partner a gift by asking questions - questions to which you do not know the answer. Watch what happens. You will learn a lot, and you will feel more powerful, not less. Remember - listening does not equal agreement. It means you are a skilled and active learner, a good partner, and a conscious communicator. Live, learn, and enjoy the moment.

Good luck and good communication!

Judy Ringer - EzineArticles Expert Author

© 2005 Judy Ringer, Power & Presence Training

About the Author: Judy Ringer is the author of Unlikely Teachers: Finding the Hidden Gifts in Daily Conflict, containing stories and practices on conflict, communication and living a more purposeful life. Judy is a black belt in aikido and nationally known presenter, specializing in unique workshops on creating a more positive work environment. She is the founder of Power & Presence Training, and chief instructor of Portsmouth Aikido, Portsmouth, NH, USA. To sign up for more free tips and articles like these, visit http://www.JudyRinger.com

Note: You’re welcome to reprint this article as long as it remains complete and unaltered (including the ‘about the author’ info at the end).

A Concise Guide to Dream Interpretation

Filed under:Better Psychology — posted on February 16, 2008 @ 1:32 pm

Most of us dream. But only a very small percentage of us understands that dreams hold much importance and opportunity for our self growth, improvement and self discovery. But many mystics of both Eastern and Western origins are aware of the fact that dreams hold a wealth of untapped knowledge. Because of its inherently vague nature, dreams and the art of interpreting them never entered mainstream sciences. Jungian psychology is the closest mainstream science that took dreams seriously.

This article is a concise description of the method of dream interpretation that I use. There are several points/guidelines to take note.

1. The dreams are often symbolic representations of what we are experiencing or are about to experience in the near future. I have found that my dreams often convey messages of occurrences that will most likely happen within a month or so.

2. Usually the people that we encounter in the dream symbolize the different aspects/characteristics of ourselves. For example: a woman may represent a feminine aspect of oneself even when one is male in the waking hours. Much of our repressed tendencies also tend to manifest themselves as characters in dreams as well.

Have you ever wondered why we sometimes appear and behave so differently in our dreams. Well, my take is that dreaming offers an outlet for us to be ’somebody else’ that we never had the opportunity to be during our waking hours.

3. Often how we feel and the emotion we felt during the dream reveals and conveys much about the meaning of the symbols.

Intuition and the willingness to examine ourselves with brutal honesty are two very important factors for successful analysis.

Below is a list of commonly encountered symbols. In my opinion, we should always take into consideration the fact that symbols hold certain semantics and meanings that are specific to individuals. Thus the interpretations of symbols are not generic and therefore there can be no hard and fast rules with regards to dream analysis.

Common dream symbolism

Water- associated with emotion.

Ocean or any large body of water - often represents the subconscious mind. The state of the sea often is an indication of the emotional state as well

Eating/digesting- Trying to understand an issue/situation

Walking- associated with learning and assimilating.

Path, road or pavement- symbolises life or spiritual Path/journey

House- symbolises our self. Within the house, the various rooms could represent the various aspects of self.

Snake- symbolises knowledge.

Tree and forest - subconscious feelings that governs our emotions

Bridge- a transitional phase or period of transformation / change

Below is an example of a dream and its interpretation.

Dream

Miss A was visiting a foreign country. She boarded a train that has a stop in a shopping complex that meanders through mountains and terrains. She remembered telling the train driver that she wanted to alight in the shopping centre so that she can find her way home.

Instead of alighting at the intended destination, she alighted at a strange place. She had difficulty getting to her destination. She contacted her partner (boyfriend). Though they communicated through the phone, she was still stuck and lost in that unfamiliar place. By this time, she was starting to get depressed. In the moment of depression, she woke up from the dream.

Symbolism involved

Foreign country- unknown knowledge, new experience
Train- accelerated learning and understanding
Through mountains and terrains- ups and downs
Find the way home- spiritual path
Train-in-charge - guiding aspect
Her partner - male/ mental aspect
Queen shopping center station - an intermediate stage that must be attained.

Interpretation

Miss A is currently experiencing and/or learning something that is still unknown to her. It is something that is rather difficult for her to grasp and apply. She is/will be experiencing some feelings of ups and downs. However, if understood, the newfound understanding and knowledge could significantly accelerate her self-growth and discovery. However, for the time being, it is something not within her experience yet (as symbolized by alighting at a strange place instead of the designated station). When she tried contacting her male partner (which symbolizes using her mental reasoning), she was still confused and thus became depressed.

Well, that’s all for a quick lesson in dream interpretation. I hope it is informative and beneficial.

Happy Dreaming…

The author is a guy living in the Far
East. He runs a self-growth resource site at
http://www.dreamdatum.com

Approaches to Resolving Interpersonal Conflict in the Workplace: an Overview for Managers

Filed under:Better Psychology — posted on February 11, 2008 @ 12:37 pm

Introduction

Because each of us possesses a unique set of personal characteristics, occasional conflicts of personality or interest with others are a regrettable yet inevitable fact of life. Furthermore, since we spend a large proportion of our lifetimes at work, often functioning under pressures and restraints that act as exacerbating factors, workplaces tend to become a primary site for inter-personal conflict. If such quarrels are not resolved in an equitable and timely manner, the resulting outcomes will typically be negative, not only for those directly involved, but also for co-workers and even organizations as a whole.

On the other hand however, both evidence and experience indicate that conflict in the workplace is often symptomatic of a healthy, dynamic and vibrant internal environment. Indeed, it is often said that a workplace devoid of tensions is in danger of becoming dull and stagnant, and therefore, is unlikely to foster any real sense of excitement, initiative or innovation amongst its constituents. In actuality then, conflict, if properly managed, has the potential to generate positive outcomes for all concerned.

If conflict is to be handled in a gainful manner however, it is vitally important that individuals and organizations develop robust strategies for coping with conflict in the workplace. This consideration is especially important for managers, whom are often required to handle conflicts, and for whom the sheer width, breadth, depth and frequency of interpersonal-interaction is often staggering. Therefore, in efforts to build a base of understanding, and with a particular focus on the role played by managers, let us now examine some of the core approaches employed in dealing with conflict in the workplace; namely: unilateral resolution, consultation, facilitation, mediation and arbitration.

Unilateral Resolution of Workplace Conflict

During the course of an average day a manager may be involved, either directly or indirectly, in a variety of interpersonal conflicts of varying intensities and foci. Not surprisingly, managers will often intuitively seek to resolve these disagreements by means that are primarily unilateral in nature.

In simple terms, a unilateral resolution revolves around efforts to resolve conflict via the application of influence or authority to one specific person, group, or faction involved in a dispute, and not to the other(s). For example, when dealing with a common workplace issue such as bullying or related misconduct, a manager might often respond, almost by way of reflex, by taking action upon the individual(s) whom are thought or evidenced to have been the instigators of the incident, while at the same time, giving little or no attention to those perceived as the ‘victim(s)’.

Unilateral resolutions are attractive simply because they seem comparatively quick and painless to a beleaguered manager: after all, it’s just a quick witch-hunt, a brief flex of managerial muscle, a few lashes with company policy and then on with the business at hand… right? Indeed, as a quick fix solution, few approaches can compare to the unilateral tack. There are however, a number of potential drawbacks that warrant discussion.

First and foremost, in the all too common event that no culpable individual(s) can be found, or more importantly, proven to be at fault, managers will find that all of their investigative efforts and best intentions have been for naught. Without a culprit, ideally one that can be proven to be at fault beyond reasonable doubt, the unilateral approach to conflict resolution simply does not work. There is also the very real potential that someone may be wrongly accused, by an over-eager or misinformed manager for example, or made a ’scapegoat’ by their workmates. As a further consideration, even if a clear culprit can be found, punishing or disciplining the ‘guilty’ party is really only a ‘patch-job’, having little or no effect upon the underlying issues. Finally, unilateral resolutions largely ignore the role played by the other side in the conflict, which may leave them feeling neglected, or in some cases, feeling they have ‘gotten away with it’. This is dangerous because it can confer to such a party an enticing advantage towards engaging in the continuation and/or intensification of the situation.

However, all of these factors aside, research has shown that, while far from ideal, unilateral resolution is often a satisfactory method for dealing with trivial conflicts, wherein there is relatively little ego involvement on behalf of the disputing parties and relatively low levels of potential negative consequence. In the end though, it must be said that many attempts at unilateral resolution are impractical, irrational and biased in nature, and thusly, exist as a liability. Truly skilled managers therefore, should move beyond antiquated notions of the draconian manager exercising his/her might upon the whelps by raining down unilateral dictates; acting at once as judge, jury and executioner. In acknowledgment of these facts, when confronting conflicts within the workplace, alternative methods should always take precedence.

Consultative Resolution of Workplace Conflict

Personal achievement and satisfaction within the workplace, as with any other domain of life, owes a great deal to the reciprocal relationships we hold with significant others. Sadly, when things are going well, we seldom express our true appreciation for, nor even recognize at times, the pivotal role that others have played in our success. Only when conflict arises in the workplace do the relationships we hold with others come consistently into our field of focus, and typically for all the wrong reasons at that. When this scrutiny of interpersonal relationships does occur, individuals involved in a conflict, typically after the initial heat of the stoush has died out, will often opt to attempt some sort of consultative resolution on their own initiative.

When taking a consultative approach to conflict resolution disputants attempt to take responsibility for, and ownership of, their own disputes. In this style, disputants attempt to sort out their own conflicts in a reasonable and pragmatic manner, with those involved advising, negotiating and counselling each other towards either shared understandings, a practical compromise or, ideally but very rarely, outcomes that are desirable for everyone involved.

Resolutions of this nature would of course delight any manager, after all, its one less problem for you to deal with right…? In the real world however, anecdotal evidence and the weight of common sense tells us that the consultative approach is, at best, idealistic. Indeed, while fairy-tale endings have been known to accrue, we should be mindful that consultative efforts are equally as likely to result in frustrating stalemates or the rapid escalation of disputes. This does not mean that the consultative approach is without merit.

Consultation certainly has the potential to be gainful when employed as an early-intervention strategy, especially as it can sometimes circumvent an escalation of matters towards formal resolution procedures and the involvement of third parties, such as managers or consultants, thereby saving organizational resources and sparing those that would be required to intercede a great deal of stress and strain in the process. However, because consultative resolutions are inherently informal and unsupervised in nature, they can often run the risk of becoming a liability, unless all parties involved are sufficiently skilled in negotiation, interpersonal communications and operating from a place of rationalism and empathy. Certainly, providing that all of these prerequisites can be met by those involved in the conflict, there is some potential for positive results to accrue from the consultative approach.

Of course, unless a manager is actually one of the disputing parties, they will typically not be involved in the consultative resolution of conflict, nor perhaps even aware that there is a problem, or that an attempt at resolution is taking place at all. This might concern some managers, especially those predisposed to a more dictatorial style, in that they would find themselves firmly ‘out of the loop’. If one is to capitalize on the potential gains of consultative conflict resolution it is crucial that managers can take a step back and allow employees to attempt to work out their differences. This is not to say however, that a manager should take a ‘hands-off’ attitude to workplace conflict, but rather, that they should position themselves as a safety-net, always vigilant, available and prepared to intervene should things turn sour.

Resolution of Workplace Conflict Through Facilitation

Sometimes there is an obvious need for a third party to intervene in a given conflict, and more often than not, this responsibility falls squarely upon the shoulders of a manager. It is an unfortunate reality of the workplace that some matters simply cannot be resolved by the parties involved, and that these conflicts, if left unresolved, can tend to fester. When third-party intervention is required, facilitation will typically be considered as the first port of call, and if it is not, it certainly should be.

Often known as the ’softly-softly’ approach, facilitation is a relatively informal approach in which a third party, preferably one respected by and familiar with the disputing parties, brings the complainants together for discussions in the hope of establishing mutually satisfactory resolutions. Typically conducted for best effect on a relaxed and neutral stage, perhaps over drinks, or coffee, or at lunch, facilitation is most effective when the third party effectively elicits forthright communication between all the disputants. At times, a facilitator may be required to play referee, insofar as assuring that everybody has the chance to speak their mind, make their case and be heard. It is important however, that the facilitator does not overplay their role in the proceedings, remaining always a background character that stays as neutral and objective as possible.

Facilitation is a strategy for conflict resolution that is most potent in the early-stages of conflicts. Due to its informal air, facilitation need not cause disruption in the workplace, nor discontent amongst the parties involved, whom might well feel otherwise intimidated or embarrassed if called to account under a more formal context. Employed typically for fairly minor or mild conflicts, facilitation can be an extremely useful approach for a manager, whom sometimes might have to do as little as get the parties together and lend his/her presence to proceedings. Certainly, early informal interventions into conflicts, such as facilitation, should always be the first response to the identification of a potentially serious workplace conflict.

On the other hand, as with all approaches, there are issues revolving around facilitation that should concern a manager. Firstly, there is the very real potential that disputing parties may agree to meet, or even accept certain resolutions simply because of the involvement of the third party, whom can often unwittingly intimidate or guilt-trip disputants, even by just being involved. Also, half hearted agreements can often arise out a simple desire, on behalf of the disputants or facilitator, to escape the situation as expediently as possible in order to get on with other business, or for fear that other unwelcome issues and secrets might come to light during the process.

Mediation of Workplace Conflict

Having established that third party conflict interventions are an unfortunate reality of the modern workplace, there are times when the subtlety of facilitation simply isn’t enough. When matters escalate towards disaster, or when pressing conflicts arise that are unlikely to be resolved in a timely manner by gentler means, a stronger and more involved stance may need to be adopted by a concerned third party. This is the point where the potential facilitator, intent on guiding and aiding in a resolution, must become a focused and driven mediator.

Mediation is defined as a formal process of negotiation conducted in a controlled environment through which an impartial third party, ideally someone with no inherent decision-making power in regards to the matter, takes an active role in guiding disputing parties towards voluntarily settlement of a dispute. As with facilitation, this is achieved by opening up the channels of communication and encouraging cooperation and compromise between the parties involved. Unlike facilitation however, mediation involves the third party being responsible for the establishing and enforcing of ground rules regarding the negotiations, assisting in the articulation of the various positions held by those involved in the argument and, in most cases, the provision of their own informed, objective and impartial recommendations.

It is wise to select a mediator that is not directly involved with the parties in dispute, and never someone with whom the disputants may have a personal relationship. Because of this, it is vitally important to exercise caution when using an internal mediator, especially if that mediator could be perceived as biased. If you are intent on settling a matter internally though, a relatively independent mediator may be able to be sourced from another department/branch/division. Of course, the easiest way to avoid these pitfalls is simply to bring in an independent mediator. Indeed, there are many private organizations and governmental bodies that offer highly skilled professional mediators for just such purposes.

Needless to say, properly conducted mediation, executed from a position of neutrality by suitably skilled and experienced mediators, exists as a powerful tool for resolving conflict in the workplace. Evidence suggests that, when mediation does work, it tends to produce enduring resolutions that involve minimal damage to the ego or interests of those involved and minimum potential for negative ’spill-over’ in the workplace. Mediation is therefore widely regarded as an excellent means for resolving serious and pressing workplace conflicts. Regardless, it is worth noting that the process of mediation can consume enormous amounts of time and organizational resources, and thus, should be entered into only after conducting a cost-benefit analysis or a similar evaluation process.

Resolving Workplace Conflict Through Arbitration

When all other avenues of resolution have been exhausted, and when everything has come to naught, a legally binding solution to a particularly troublesome conflict may be suggested, or demanded, as the only way forward. While typically held as a last resort, a formal process of arbitration should always remain an option.

Arbitration is a formal process in which a third party, or occasionally parties, mutually agreed upon by the disputants or appointed by a suitable authority, renders a rational, legally-binding decision based upon the interpretation of the available evidence. The arbitrator(s) make this ruling after a formal hearing that generally involves the presentation of evidence and oral arguments in a style befitting of standard court proceedings. While relatively few workplace conflicts find their way into a court, or board of arbitration, in the most serious of disputes, lawyers or similar agents of representation will often be solicited by the disputing parties.

As already stated, the results of arbitration are legally binding, and whilst they may be appealed on sufficient grounds, the ruling is intended to provide robust resolutions that are enduring. Because of its litigious nature, the arbitration process holds great power as tool for conflict resolution and is doubtless an effective system for resolving disputes. However, there are some serious risk factors that can arise.

Foremost, arbitration presents a considerable risk of generating undesirable attitudinal and behavioural reactions on the part of the disputing parties. Regardless of how well it solves the immediate reality of the problem, arbitration rarely remedies the underlying issues. Because of this, arbitration can often distance and agitate the opposing parties, sometimes inducing them to increasingly perceive each other as self-interested opponents involved in a battle of wits and wills. This is never productive for a working relationship, and if the disputants are to go on working together, it can be potentially disastrous. Given these concerns, arbitration should be employed only in particularly troublesome or lingering conflicts and only after other approaches, such as facilitation or mediation, have failed to achieve a satisfactory resolution.

Conclusion

This paper undertook a critical examination of five core approaches to the resolution of conflict in the workplace: unilateral resolution, consultation, facilitation, mediation and arbitration. Whist this information is invaluable for everyone involved in employment, from the point of view of a manager, understanding these varying approaches to conflict resolution, and their respective strengths and weaknesses, is absolutely crucial to their proper application in practise. In the final analysis, the implication for managers is that conflict is not necessarily counterproductive, but the inability to resolve conflict definitely is.

Arron Stewart Is 26 years old, lives in Hamilton, New Zealand, and attends the University of Waikato as a graduate student in Sport & Leisure with an additional focus on Sociology and Human Resource Management. A website has been established featuring more information and selected articles of his work: http://www.geocities.com/arron_stew_79

Death, Close and Personal

Filed under:Better Psychology — posted on January 23, 2008 @ 3:52 am

I got an email recently from someone whose mother died. She knew I’d suffered the loss of my mother and wanted some insight on how to deal with it. Unfortunately for her, I had no advice…shit…I’m still dealing with it.

Every single day I think about my mother. I think about her living and breathing. Talking to me, laughing with me, yelling at me. But I never, ever think about her death. This email made me think of that so I began resenting that email. I began resenting that someone else had to deal with a mother who was dead. And I really resented that someone thought I was an expert on dealing with dead mothers. If you get to be an expert on anything…the last thing you want to be is an expert on dead mothers.

When I clean my home, I remember doing the same with my mother. Saturday was cleaning day and I always equate lemon fresh Pledge with her. I think of my mother often. I miss her every single day. I find myself wondering…I wonder what my mother would think of this duvet cover. Or I wonder what she would think of my efforts to create a beautiful home. I know it’s weird that I know she’s gone but I don’t wonder about her as if she’s dead…I wonder about her as if she’s still in Louisiana wondering what I’m doing too. I know…crazy me.

Death is pretty permanent. It’s as permanent as it gets actually. It’s the end. I like to think of my mother being everywhere. I don’t like thinking of her as a skeleton in a casket under 6 feet of dirt on the side of an old church in the country. That’s too permanent.

I didn’t have much to offer she-whose-mother-just-past. I don’t know her that well so was unable to infer much. I offered what I could. A place to come and rest and just be without the responsibility of dealing with death. Granted, with her in my home, in my space, in my world I…would have the responsibility of dealing with death. With personal death. With my own permanent tragedy.

I invited her into my haven where I am safe from all things painful and I helped her in a very small way deal with her mother’s death at the expense of my peace. She left yesterday and I turned to my guy and the normalcy of my life to bring me back from my abyss.

I, Monica Lenay Pattan Mingo, a self-professed, uptight, prude bitch, allowed someone to hurt me without knowing because I knew how badly she was hurting. I didn’t feel a kinship with her. I just felt renewed in my own personal, permanent pain, in my infinite grief. And I left knowing only one sure thing…I’m not cut out to be a hero.

http://www.MonicaMingo.com

How To Get From The Front Door To The Car

Filed under:Better Psychology — posted on January 11, 2008 @ 5:28 am

Somebody (I don’t know who) said that an INFP is someone who
gets lost between the front door and the car. I am INFP and that
statement describes me very well. An INFP will know that the car
is the goal but will take so many side-trips (physical,
intellectual, and emotional) that the car may never be reached.

You might expect, then, that an INFP would be at a total loss
for organizational ability. This isn’t true, because the less
dominant Thinking and Judging functions can be summoned at need
to allow an INFP to perform organizational skills.

Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes is often given as an example of
INFP. Calvin seems perfectly normal to me. I don’t know why
people think he’s funny. But I recognize Hobbes, the tiger. He’s
the aspect that surfaces to deal with practical world. The
humour is in the extremes. Most INFPs are somewhere along the
middle range of Perception.

It is healthy to summon a recessive trait, to awaken a sleeping
tiger, in case of need. It is also healthy to restrain this
seemingly new power. Awareness is the key. The business world,
in particular, demands Thinking and Judging organizational
skills. Under this pressure, an INFP can summon the recessive TJ
and place it in the starring role, rather than its natural
supporting role. If the role reversal becomes permanent, the
cost to personal satisfaction is too high. INFPs in this
situation are likely to have success, money, friends, and
misery. They gave the whole show to TJ, who is exhausted, while
poor FP starves.

Is INFP handicapped, then, in this highly organized world of
ours? Not at all! A good example is my own specialty - what
office workers call “putting out fires.” My INFP plays the major
role, flitting from crisis to crisis in true INFP fashion,
analyzing and solving them, while my supporting TJ takes notes.
I never go anywhere in an office without a notepad. In truth,
INFP carries the notepad; TJ writes in it. INFP deals with the
issues. TJ makes and reviews the notes, writes the memos, and
keeps the records. The unstructured job kept me happy as INFP.
It’s important to distinguish between the kinds of decisions
that I was happy with: they were based on long experience in a
complicated field with right answers. I knew the right answers.
This isn’t the same as making snap decisions in unprecedented
situations, which would not be ideal for an INFP at all.

An area where an INFP needs guidance is setting goals. Goals are
often built into a job description, which can simplify
professional life. On a personal level, however, an INFP might
need prodding to set goals and guidance as to priorities. As
their first goal, for instance, many people would write “Pay off
mortgage.” Mine was “Swim with dolphins.” Obviously, a nudge
from a counselor (or maybe a recessive trait) would be useful.
The Intuitive function that is so useful to an INFP must be
allowed its input to the goal-setting process. This is why INFP
goals may seem a little odd to people who greet the world in a
more Sensate manner. The same balance should be allowed in
structuring paths to reach goals.

Now that we’ve set goals and steps to achieve them, we have only
to follow the path to the goals. In other words, we have to try
to get from the front door to the car. It can be done if INFP is
continually hip-checked back onto the path by TJ. However,
completely unrelieved attention to goals will result in a very
frustrated INFP driving a car that she has come to loathe. No,
INFP must take the detours to meet the world through Intuition,
to evaluate by Feeling, and to exercise Perception. TJ, with the
maps, organizational lists, and pie-charts, must stand aside. At
agreed intervals, TJ can bump INFP back onto the path. After
many happy detours and returns, INFP will succeed in going from
the front door to the car - goal achieved!

Getting Along with Co-Workers

Filed under:Better Psychology — posted on January 10, 2008 @ 5:00 pm

IN a shopping mall, I recently passed by someone wearing a T-shirt that had the words, “DOESN’T PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS” in three-inch block letters across the front. I thought it was funny. But, when you have a coworker who seems to have those words tattooed across his forehead, it’s no laughing matter.

Lee Iacocca said, “The statement, ‘He’s good, but he has trouble getting along with other people,’ is the kiss of death for management potential. The major reason capable people fail to advance is that they don’t work well with their colleagues and customers.”

It really comes down to having a love for people and the ability to show others that you care for their well-being. That means getting along with your coworkers as well as your customers. Why? Because your coworkers are your customers, too.

Say what?

That’s right. Even though your coworkers probably don’t buy anything from you, they are still your customerswhat the business books call, internal customers. Because each individual at a company has the ability to contribute or to take away from the success of the organization, it is important to your success that everyone does an excellent job of customer service. Your coworkers are actually an indirect link between you and the external customer. So, it is important to treat your work associates in the same manner that you treat your customers.

I know what you’re thinking: Yeah, but you just don’t understand. You don’t know the people I have to work with. Is it my fault if my coworker is a jerk?

No, it’s not your fault if your coworker is a jerk, but there’s always something you can do to influence the performance of others. Understand the intercon-nection between you and every other employee in your company. How well you deal with difficult coworkers will reflect in how well you deal with difficult customers. It is the overall performance of the company that determines its success. Therefore, your fellow employees have an effect on your livelihood.

“Employee satisfaction equals customer satisfaction at UPS,” says Kent Nelson, former UPS CEO. The smart companies, the customer-focused companies know this. These companies have figured out that keeping employees happy is the key to keeping customers happy.

TURNAROUND TIP: Most bosses still operate from the old mindset, “My employees know if I don’t say anything critical about their performance, then that means they’re doing a good job. If I compliment an employee all the time, it’ll just give him a big head.” If you have a boss like that then you know that the only encouragement your coworkers receive will have to come from you or others who are like you.

1.Make sure that you treat your coworkers in the same way you treat your customers; with courtesy, concern and compassion.

2.Catch someone doing something right. Re-search says that nothing motivates employees more than peer recognition. When you see a coworker going out of their way to serve a customer, offer some enthusiastic encourage-ment.

3.Exceed the expectations of your coworkers. If your boss needs a report on Tuesday, give it to him Monday afternoon. (Yes, your boss is an internal customer, too). If the credit department needs some information that you have access to, rather than arguing with them over whose job it is, provide the information for them.

If you make a commitment to assist your coworkers and colleagues, they will be eager to assist you when you need their help. Anyone who helps you get your job done contributes to your success.

Mike Dandridge - EzineArticles Expert Author

Mike Dandridge
md@theperformancepro.com
Mike is the founder of High Voltage Performance, a consulting firm that specializes in designing customer experiences for the industrial marketplace. He is a keynote speaker and a seminar leader with 25 years experience in electrical wholesale distribution. Dandridge is author of, The One Year Business Turnaround, a book based on his years in wholesale, containing a year’s worth of ideas for improving your customer service.
You may reach Mike at 254-624-6299.
Visit his Website at http://www.highvoltageperformance.com
Subscribe to his blog at http://www.businessturnaround.blogs.com


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