Students Of Success

There are a lot of fairly sophisticated parenting techniques and
ideas out there that are attracting attention. To be an
effective father, you can skip most of them and concentrate on
common sense rules that have always worked. They won’t always
make you the most popular Dad, but they’ll always be effective:

Rule #1 Expect A Great Deal From Your Kids If your kids know
that you expect a lot from them, they’ll rise to the occasion.
Everything from saying please and thank-you, to efforts in
school or on the athletic field, if expectations are made clear
in a loving atmosphere your kids will know that you think a lot
of them. When they know this, they’ll respond.

Rule #2 Always Be Willing To Be the Problem When you’re
convinced that someone in your family is causing the problems
and you’re blaming them for it, realize that this problem won’t
get better until you accept that you’re making it worse by
blaming them. It may briefly feel good to blame, but it never
improves anything. Loving and accepting that person will make a
positive difference.

Rule #3Know Your Child’s Life Intimately Get to know all that
you can about your kids. Know what their favorite toys and
colors are, who their best friends are, who their heroes are,
etc. By showing interest, you’re showing you love them. By not
asking, you show that they’re not that important to you.

Rule #4Say No To Your Kids There’s an awful lot of stuff out
there for kids these days…and of course they want to have it
all. Kids who get almost everything they want typically don’t
turn out to be very happy kids. Kids learn discipline,
self-control, and how to delay gratification when they are told
no by their parents. It may be a difficult struggle, but saying
no and meaning it will help you to have happy, healthy, and
cooperative kids.

Rule #5Hitting or Spanking Your Kids Doesn’t Work There are
plenty of studies showing that kids who are spanked have lower
self-esteem. Spanking your kids will also be likely to increase
the very kinds of behaviors that you are spanking them for. As a
father, do you really want your child to be afraid of you?

Rule #6Treat Your Wife Extremely Well This is where your kids
get their most important information about relationships between
men and women. Make a great effort not to fight in front of the
kids. Remember to be kind more often than trying to be right.

Rule #7Actions Speak Louder Than Words Many parents spend time
threatening their children when their kids aren’t cooperating.
But if you don’t follow through on the consequences, you can
threaten till the cows come home. Your children will learn to
ignore the threats. They’ll understand action. If certain
privileges are taken away because of their lack of cooperation,
they’ll learn very quickly that you mean business. Try your best
to align the consequences with the action. ( If you don’t clean
your room in time, you won’t have time for stories before bed.)

Rule #8Really Listen to Your Kids Don’t just hear their words,
but learn to understand the meaning behind what they say as
well. I’m picking my own clothes! might mean that your child
wants more responsibility or independence. Be able to reflect
back what your child says to you. If you want your child to
listen to you, you absolutely must listen to her/him.

Rule #9Give Your Kids Responsibility as They Grow Older When
your kids are very young, maybe they just help make their beds
in the morning and keep their rooms clean. As they get older,
add things to their list. Tell them that this is how a family
works…everybody has certain things that they do. If you do it
when they’re young it’s more likely they’ll do it when they’re
older. Don’t reward them for things that should be expected of
them.

Rule #10Tell Your Kids They’re Great All the Time It is
especially important to tell them this when they’re not at their
best. It’s easy to tell them when things are going well. Make it
a point to tell them specifically what you think is great about
them. This will be more meaningful than generalized praise.