Students Of Success

Politics, music, movies, money, social issues, fashion, food, relationships, business, foreign affairs, religion, entertainment, beliefs, ethics, boxers or briefs, Coke or Pepsi, which hair product has the best hold; so many things to debate, so little time!

Spicy dialogue is one of the true joys of life. Nothing beats a good, healthy exchange of ideas and opinions. The problem is, all too often, differences quickly turn into polarized and personal attacks in an effort to prove “I’m right, he/she is wrong.”

A friend just told me about a recent argument between he and his ex-girlfriend. It is, quite possibly, the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Hopefully, you’ve never had to witness something this crazy, but chances are, you have. Worse yet, you may have even been a player in this sorta comedy of stupidity. Here’s the scoop:

Recently, my buddy ended a long-term relationship with his girlfriend. Even though both are in their late 20s, it seemed the only thing this romance was missing was a locker and a good-bye kiss after the last bell. During that oh-so-awkward time of breaking up, he had to retrieve his personal belongings from her home.

In a fine display of her maturity, he showed up to her house and found his belongings thrown out onto the front lawn; everything, that is, except his entire collection of DVD’s and CD’s.

The bitter ex-girlfriend claimed she knew nothing of the missing items, so he gave her two choices: find them within 24 hours or pay for them. Her response? “No! And besides, you’ve gained weight lately… and your haircut is stupid!” Huh? What do his belly and hairline have to do with $500 worth of stolen merchandise?

Granted, my buddy’s situation is a bit extreme, but the biggest issue I’ve noticed when people argue is getting off task. Often, instead of acknowledging the other person’s valid point, the “opponent” will bring up past grievances, personal shortcomings or any other number of claims that have nothing to do with the issue at hand. When this happens, the discussion has lost any chance to find common ground and resolution.

No where can you witness more arguments than on radio talk shows…except maybe when radio talk show hosts are interviewed on cable news shows. I mean, never before has there been such an venue for fighting, except for a steel cage match in the WCW.

So, with the recent Michael Jackson verdict, talking heads have been all over the tube giving their opinions. The evening the verdict was handed down, two California radio talk show hosts were interviewed on a 24 hour cable news channel. They summed up this point perfectly. Their exchange went a little something like this:

Talking head #1: Well, we’ve just seen the American justice system in action. A man was accused of a crime, was arrested, charged and brought before a jury of his peers. The jury viewed the evidence, listened to the arguments and determined there was not enough evidence for a conviction.

Talking Head #2: He’s a freak! That man is not right! No one should be that strange! The guy is just crazy!

I just shook my head in woeful amusement at this little exchange. It seemed better fitted for Jerry Springer than cable news…just without the slapping and nudity.

Talking Head #1 had a factual, legitimate and legal point. Talking Head #2 was so emotional about the verdict that all he could do was spout off his unfavorable opinion. Any further discussion was futile since, after each made their opening point, it showed their exchange wasn’t even on the same page.

Again, discussion and debate are great ways to expand one’s thinking. After all, it’s best to take in all other’s views and opinions before forming your own. That is the healthy part of arguing. But when those lively discussions turn into knock down, drag out, no holds barred insult contests, well, then all chances are lost for anything good coming out of it.

The only fair way to handle any disagreement is by staying on topic, being respectful and bringing up only relevant issues. Somehow, an emotionally heated argument can bring out the worst in people-name calling, false accusations and hurtful words that can’t be taken back.

Marcus Engel is a professional speaker/author who inspires audiences to achieve success by making intelligent choices. Blinded by a drunk driver at age 18, Marcus battled through two years of recovery and 300 hours of reconstructive facial surgery to reach his goal of returning to college. After graduating from Missouri State University in 2000, Marcus began sharing his story professionally to audiences nationwide. In 2002, Marcus founded his own publishing company with the release of his autobiography, “After This…An Inspirational Journey For All the Wrong Reasons.” His messages of empowerment and motivation have been witnessed by hundreds of thousands through his keynotes, his autobiography and his monthly newsletters. Marcus Engel is a speaker, a message, a story you will never forget! Visit http://www.MarcusEngel.com for more information!