Students Of Success

“Thanks For The Rejection!”

By

Dr. Gary S. Goodman  2004

Author: The Law Of Large Numbers: How To Make Success Inevitable

It sounds a little masochistic, but I actually appreciate being
rejected. No, I don’t needlessly relish the sting of reproach,
or eagerly welcome scornful criticism, per se. But, as a writer,
a salesperson, and an entrepreneur, I have come to appreciate
that there is a strong correlation between the frequency of
rejections that I withstand and the amount of success I
generate, especially in my career. Every professional writer can
wallpaper a mansion with rejection slips. In fact, I read
somewhere that the famous novel, The Yearling, was submitted
under a different title as an experiment, and it was rejected by
scores of publishers AFTER it had won incredible acclaim.
Curiously, the original publisher rejected the work, too.
Salespeople are taught that there is a math-of-success. They
have to withstand a certain number of no’s before they can earn
a yes. And few entrepreneurs succeed after trying only one
venture. Typically, it takes several attempts and even when one
initiative prevails, its lifespan is limited. As I write this
article, in fact, I’m probably not experiencing ENOUGH
rejection. If I want to get more done, to appreciate the thrills
of more achievements, I need to put myself on the line, more and
more. I have to ASK for what I want and need, and of course when
I do so, I’ll be giving people the power to say NO. Let me ask
you this:

What could you achieve in life if you decided to become totally
and blissfully impervious to hostile criticism and to rejection?
What careers or hobbies would you pursue that you’re just too
emotionally brittle to engage in, now?

For instance, a friend of mine is a professional actor. He is
among the 10% of thespians who actually finds a considerable
amount of work in the field. In fact, just this year he appeared
in four motion pictures, and a few were highly publicized, and
did fairly well at the box office. But he has to constantly
trawl for work and he is a tireless self-promoter. He even asked
me if I could send a note to visitors to my web site that would
tout the brilliance of his most recent film! Though he hopes
that one of his roles will become a breakout success and will
attract even more roles, he doesn’t assume this will occur. On
the contrary, he hustles day in and day out, answering every
casting call, and networking like crazy to hear about roles that
he might play. He behaves like a kid who is struggling to get
into the business, and he’s grateful for every break he gets. He
speculates that most people don’t make a living in the acting
field because they become worn down by rejections. They stop
believing in their skills, and as a result, they try less and
less. And by trying less, they succeed less. If they would just
work the numbers, and eagerly go for every opportunity, they’d
work more, polish their skills, and they’d stay busy doing what
they love. Success would then become inevitable. I’ve been
giving considerable thought to the fear of rejection, and here’s
one of my conclusions about it:

It isn’t the rejection that is intrinsically disturbing. It’s
the interpretation we make about it that drives us nuts and
prevents us from realizing our potential.

What do we tell ourselves? In essence, we draw the wrong
inferences and make inappropriate generalizations from these
experiences. For one thing, we tell ourselves that the
rejections will be pervasive. If X rejected us, so will Y and Z.
Another tendency is to believe that today’s rejection will be
permanent. If X said no yesterday, he’ll definitely say no today
and tomorrow. Finally, we tell ourselves that rejection is
personal. It’s about us, as individuals, and it reveals
fundamental flaws about our character, our skills, or our
attractiveness.

When you read these things, they instantly seem foolish, don’t
they?

For instance, on what authority, we have to ask ourselves, do we
KNOW that if X rejected us, Y & Z will follow suit? We fear that
will be the case, and we may suspect it will be so. But by no
means is it conclusive, until we make it that way by failing to
keep trying. Likewise, on what basis can we assert that today’s
rejection will recur tomorrow? When I was a salesperson, working
my way through college, I contacted a fellow who LOUDLY rejected
my offer, to say the least. Actually, he got unhinged and
declared, “Never contact me, again!” I remember this episode
vividly, because it was so exceptional. Anyway, the very next
day, by mistake, I phoned him. (Apparently, I forgot to strike
his name from my list.) My error only became apparent to me
after I got him on the line and asked him how he was. At that
second, I thought, “Oops!” To my surprise, he replied, “I’m
fine.” I had no choice but to continue with my sales spiel,
fully expecting him to reject me, even more loudly and
emphatically, at any moment. Imagine how shocked I was to ask
him for his order and to hear him cheerfully respond with,
“Okay!”

He bought from me, the very day after telling me to never
contact him again!

Please believe me when I tell you it was a mistake that I had
called him back. Given how poorly the first call went, I was in
no mood for a repeat performance. But by erring in this way, I
accidentally proved the point that rejection isn’t necessarily
permanent. Today’s no can even be a precursor, and a necessary
one, to tomorrow’s yes, if we only get our minds around the
concept. This story also demonstrates that rejection isn’t
necessarily personal. The day before, when this guy bit my head
off, he was probably overwhelmed by something that had nothing
to do with me. Yet, when many of us are being spurned, our
impulse is to blame ourselves and to feel sullied by the overall
experience. We feel awful, and beat ourselves down before the
next person can do it to us. So, what can we do to conquer
rejection and to actually learn to invite it?

Four things:

(1)Tell yourself it is isolated; (2)Tell yourself it is
temporary; and (3)Tell yourself it doesn’t pertain to you,
personally. In other words they may be rejecting your idea or
offer, but they aren’t rejecting YOU. (4)Prove these truths by
actively seeking more rejections. If you hope to publish that
novel or to get that screenplay into the right hands, send them
out more widely. Give more people the chance to say no!

This is one of the great secrets of the Law of Large Numbers. Do
more of anything, and you’ll make success inevitable!

Dr. Gary S. Goodman is a popular keynote speaker, consultant,
and seminar leader and the best-selling author of 12 books. He
is the author of the Nightingale-Conant audio program, The Law
Of Large Numbers: How To Make Success Inevitable. Gary teaches
Entrepreneurship and Consulting at UCLA Extension, and he is
President of Customersatisfaction.com and The Goodman
Organization. When he isn’t being rejected, he can usually be
found in Glendale, California, where he makes his home. He can
be reached at gary@customersatisfaction.com.