Students Of Success

People get married for a variety of reasons: •companionship
•love •security •it’s the next logical step after college or
after launching from one’s family of origin •procreation •to
appropriately satisfy sexual desires •it is a holy institution
designed by God •others… There are many other possible
reasons…! The one we want to focus on is “oneness.” We believe
that people get married to experience “oneness” or a “shared
reality” with another human being. When two people get married
they have: •a shared history •a common language •a deep sense of
companionship •a sense of security…among other things. The
idea of “oneness” is rooted in Genesis 2:24 –”the two shall
become one flesh.” The Revel Bible Dictionary (pp. 673-674)
explains this phrase…”the two shall become one flesh” in the
follow way. It suggests “the close bonding of individuals who
love one another as equals and who can relate on every level of
the human personality…[It] implies that husband and wife will
experience the joys and sorrows of this life … together.” We
assert that “oneness” is achieved when each person: •Is
interested in what is going on in the other’s life •Accepts the
other [willingly receives] and intentionally purposes to take
the good with the bad •Tries to understand the other person…to
know them thoroughly. It includes factoring in the effects of
one’s family of origin and the effects of one’s life experiences
prior to marriage •Is committed to learning the other person’s
primary love languages: time, talking, toughing, gifts, or acts
of service •Is interested in the goals, hopes and dreams of the
other person and desires to help them achieve these goals •Is
sensitive to the fears and insecurities of the other person
•Willing participates in (to an appropriate extent) the other
person’s life “Oneness” is not a foreign concept for a believer
in Jesus Christ. We are one with Him when we begin our
“born-again” journey with Him. When we ask Him into our
“hearts”, we become “identified” with Him. This is a type of
“oneness”. God designed the marital relationship to project to
the world the type of relationship we have with Him. When we
fulfill this goal of connecting with our spouses (oneness), we
give the world a tangible picture of what our relationships can
look like (with another person and with God). Remember, we (the
church) are called “the bride of Christ” in the New Testament.
God’s goal is that we experience this “oneness” in marriage.
However, “oneness” is not always acheived. Or once it is
acheived, it is not always maintained. We hope that the
following exercise will be helpful to you. You can consider the
questions yourself or perhaps you could discuss these with your
spouse. Exercise: 1. On a scale of 1-10, how well do you accept
your spouse? What would it take to improve your current level of
acceptance? 2. On a scale of 1-10, how well do you understand
your spouse? Is there one area in which you wish your spouse
were more understanding of you? 3. Pray each day that God will
show you ways to improve your level of acceptance of your
spouse. Purpose to better accept the ways that your spouse is
unique (different from you). [Consider writing down your answers
in a journal. Then, pray and ask God to help you grow in
accepting your spouse. Ask God to give you the “grace” or
“divine enablement” to understand your spouse better. Ask God to
help you see your spouse with His (God’s) eyes and heart. Ask
God to solidify the idea that your way of doing things is not
the only way to do things. You don’t always have to be right or
have the last word. Ask God to give you even more love for your
spouse along with the courage and willingness to express that
love consistently to him/her. Watch and see what the Lord is
able to do in you!] We would love to hear from you about the
exercises. Contact us at info@murphytoerner.com This is a series
which will be continued. If you enjoyed this article and are
interested in more articles by this author and other free
resources please visit our website www.murphytoerner.com.
Counseling & Coaching Available: Call our offices @ 225.753.7773